5 Signs of Maturity That Love Requires
In love, as in all facets of our lives, we are always growing. We take notes on different experiences, both our own and those of others, and in fact, if we look back at our lives, surely we can identify different aspects of our way of loving that we have changed, independent of whether we are now in a more or less long-term relationship or even if we are not in one at all.
In this article, we are going to talk about five aspects that are rather common in this learning process. There are adolescents who have already learned all of them, and on the other hand, there are people who are pushing sixty and still have not taken that step. We’ll discuss some of the mistakes that certain people make in relationships and that turn into genuine relationship destroyers in the long term.
The need for control is venomous to love
An immature person in a relationship has an overwhelming need to control the other person. They think their partner is somehow theirs and they watch over them as if they were watching a bicycle they had left in the street. This need for control is very strongly connected to time, since one person in the relationship is trying to occupy all of the free time the other person has: this is just one more form of control.
A mature person knows that that control is a totally unproductive fountain of anxiety. If the other person has to end up leaving, they will do it all the same and if they have to stay, it will be clear that this is out of love and not for fear of crossing the barrier that the other person is watching over.
Concerning time, a mature person needs their own space and understands that the other person does as well. In addition to understanding this and needing their own, they are convinced that their existence somehow enriches the relationship.
Communication is the air that love breathes
An immature person still has not understood how important communication is in their relationship. So much so that they pay no attention to this and put their ideas into words just as they appear in their own head. The opposite can also happen, and instead of speaking without any kind of filter, they put up such a filter that nothing comes out.
A mature person, on the other hand, understands that communication requires patience and a great deal of intelligence. They know, for example, that a proposal is much better than a critique or that negative statements are much less likely to cause a conflict if they are accompanied by an array of alternatives.
Forgiveness, revenge, and resentment
Immature people forgive, but they don’t forget. They have a list of offenses ready at all times in case there is an argument and they need to show their claws. On the other hand, this list of aggressions tends to be endless, because they are very sensitive to the behavior of the other person, such that any little run-in causes them great emotional pain.
A person who has achieved maturity resolves conflicts. They understand that wounds need time to heal, but that this time won’t do anything if they do not dedicate part of it to resolving the conflict. They avoid making a list of offenses because they know that the only consequence of this is pain and destruction, both for themselves and for their partner.
Time and affection cannot be missing in love
Immature people give gifts in order to receive them. However, a detail rarely seems good enough for them, nor does it reach their expectations. In addition, they need constant attention from the other person and deep within them, they are holding onto the hope that the other person is capable of reading their mind, which is not humanly possible. They prefer a material gesture to a hug because they measure the value of the economic cost that they attribute to them. A hug is worth very little to them.
Mature people give gifts to see the other person’s face. For them, the best moment is when they give what they have made or bought to the other person and see this person’s face. Furthermore, they show immense happiness towards any gesture the other makes towards them, because they focus on what exists and not what may be missing. Finally, what they value the most are gestures of affection because through these, they enjoy love like little kids.
In love, intimacy is more than just desire
An immature person only feels attraction to the physical aspect of the other person. They understand that sex is where everything starts and everything ends. As such, if their partner does not click with them in this sense, they think there is a serious crisis, at least much more so than if their partner went a whole week without talking to them for more than a few minutes at a time.
Mature people understand that desire is just another part of their relationship and that it communicates with the rest of these aspects. This means that every facet of a relationship complements all of the others and they can even improve all of the others. For them, everything starts and ends rather with intimacy, where sex resides, but also trust or vulnerability (understood in its positive sense).
Finally, for immature people, the goal with their partner is not to suffer, to feel good. For mature people, the goal with their partner is to grow and enjoy. They want to keep taking risks for the common good that they are undertaking together, as we have already said. What about your relationship? Which of these two poles describes it?