The 5 Love Languages, According to Gary Chapman

February 28, 2018

We all know that there are thousands of ways to express love, love languages. Therefore, it’s likely that we’ve all had to deal with someone who expresses their love differently than us. However, that doesn’t make the love any less true or real. And then, sometimes we come across people who seem to not love at all. But here, they’re still just using an unfamiliar language.

Love, just like language, has many nuances. That’s why, in 1995 Gary Chapman described the 5 love languages he believes exist. He included both the way one expresses love and the way one receives it.

Each person tends to have two love languages we’re most comfortable expressing ourselves in and feeling loved by. One person might prefer expressing love with one love language, but prefer receiving it through another. The 5 love languages this author describes are as follows:

1. Physical contact

Physical contact is one of the simplest love languages since it doesn’t require any words. People who prefer this language enjoy touch, hugs. They feel comforted in the arms of others or by holding hands. Youngsters, when this is one of their predominating love languages, feel comforted by being held or carried. They enjoy massages or sitting in people’s laps.

Older children (specially boys between the ages of 7 and 9 years old) who enjoy this type of love may express it in peculiar ways. This includes fighting, wrestling, soccer, or basketball. Yet, it is still a form of physical contact that makes them feel loved and cared for.

Love languages: physical touch.

2. Words of affirmation

This group includes people who need words of affection and compliments. They get happiness from hearing nice words and motivation from a well-written verse. This way of expressing love includes love letters. If one of your love languages is words of affirmation, you like to encourage people with your speech.

Words have incredible power over us, and they leave their mark on our behavior even if speaking the words only takes seconds. We must realize the power we have through the love language of words of affirmation.

3. Quality time

Taking time out of our day for the people we love is a way of expressing what we feel for them. It means finding quality time in our busy schedule, full and rewarding time, to be with a person in both body and mind. What you do together doesn’t really matter. What really matters is the person we’re spending time with.

4. Receiving gifts

Some people enjoy receiving and giving presents. But it doesn’t have to be a material gift or very expensive. Here, what’s relevant is how considerate the gift is. And of course the love with which it is given. It’s about getting to know the other person better through small — yet significant — presents. In other words, gifts are a way to express love for another, but never a means to get something.

A couple in love is sitting together in the grass.

5. Love languages: Acts of service

Acts of services means the things a person performs as a way to communicate what they feel. There are a lot of different examples of this: preparing a meal with love, taking care of the home you share, caring for the other person when they’re sick. They’re simple acts, but they demonstrate love.

Now you know what the 5 love languages are. And now you can see how not everyone expresses love the same way for everyone. There are all kinds of love languages out there and knowing about them opens the door to a world filled with more kind words, thoughtful gifts, and warm embraces.