5 Beliefs Causing You to Choose the Wrong Partner

3, September 2016 in Psychology 5 Shared
girl holding knot of string heart

When was the last time you had a bad relationship? Are you the type of person that always gets into relationships with the same type of people? One just like the other? We have all gone through a relationship that wasn’t the best. Maybe there were fights, arguments, bad moments or you simply realized that the person was completely different from who you thought they were.

This is very normal. Part of growing up and moving forward in life is interacting with diverse kinds of people. But if throughout your whole life, you’ve had relationships that ended up being the wrong choice for you, then there may be a deeper problem involved. Below we are going to list some of the most common beliefs that cause people to choose the wrong partner.

1. I’m looking for my “better half”

We have heard a lot of talk about our “better half” and the whole idea that you need someone else to be complete. This is a perception that causes you more harm than you think.

girls face slice of orange on eye

Right off the bat, the idea of a “better half” makes you think that you are unfinished and need someone else to find meaning to your life. When you live your life based on this idea, you’ll feel desperate to find that marvelous person that will give you purpose and meaning.

Remember that you don’t need anyone to complement or complete you. You are complete from the very day you set foot on this earth. What you need is to find someone that will help you grow without changing your personality and who will value who you really are.

2. Time is passing me by

Up until a couple of years ago, staying single past the age of 30 or 40 was frowned upon. That’s why it wasn’t weird for many people, especially women, to make the mistake of accepting to stay with the wrong person. The good thing about living in this current day and age is that there is no need to pay attention to these conventions.

Our advice is for you not to worry about your age or eternal singleness. The right person will come along at precisely the right time. But if they don’t arrive, that’s okay, too.  You’ll have more time to share with your loved ones.

3. I need to save someone to give my life meaning

Were your previous relationships with people that had bad or unhealthy habits? Have you tried to change these people, but only ended up harming yourself? It’s okay to worry about other people, but you should learn to put a stop to this at the right time.

Believing that you can make your partner become a better person will make you unhappy. It is even worse if that person has problems with addiction or negative behaviors. Some people think they can change and improve the lives of their loved ones, but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

If you really want to feel useful, offer your help to someone who needs it, but don’t put in more effort than is truly necessary. Before you protect other people, you need to be okay yourself. Maybe you should ask yourself why you want to help others. Find the answer and help yourself first.

4. This is the best that I can get

What do you think you deserve? Do you believe that you are not worthy of finding something better? Regardless of your circumstances, your limitations or your fears when it comes to finding a partner, you don’t need to settle for anyone.

People with low self-esteem tend to accept any relationship, no matter how bad it is, as long as they feel accompanied. While you maintain this idea in your head, you’ll find yourself in problematic relationships that won’t help you in the least.

Get out of this dynamic by seeking activities that will fill you, or surround yourself with people that truly value you. If you need it, seek professional help.

girl crying blood with bird and heart

5. He/she has all the characteristics of an ideal partner

Sometimes we become involved with people that seem perfect in the eyes of our family. However, the fact that someone meets certain requirements doesn’t make them the best option. A successful relationship is based on the respect the two people have for one another, on real communication and sincere mutual admiration.

These are the five reasons that you always look for the wrong partner or mate. If you have chosen wrong, don’t worry because you can always change or modify your situation. Don’t hesitate to look for help if you believe that it is necessary. Some habits can’t be broken that easily.

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