3 Factors That Kill Romantic Love

· August 15, 2018

The love between a man and a woman continues to be a mystery. That is in spite of the fact that scientists study it and philosophers analyze it. Even so, these days we understand more clearly why love happens between two people. We also better understand the factors that kill romantic love.

Relationships are much less stable than they were in the past. This has its pros and cons. Freedom to begin and end romantic relationships is a victory over the hypocrisy or fatalism that ruled before. At the same time, the ability to deal with conflict has nearly disappeared. The result is that more and more people are alone.

In an ideal world, relationships are built to last. Couples let go of the whims of the early days. They grow together and form a solid bond. This is why it’s important to take a look at the factors that end relationships. If you understand the signs, you can take action before the relationship is definitely over.

“When someone you love leaves, you try to stop them with your hands, and you hope that you will catch their heart as well. But it doesn’t work that way. The heart has legs that you can’t see.” [translation]

-Federico Moccia-


1. Poor communication

Having good communication with your partner isn’t about finding new things to talk about or having amusing chats. The truth is, it’s much simpler than that. It’s enough to say, respectfully, what you think and how you feel in the moment. Bad communication, on the other hand, is more complicated. Lying, withholding, or manipulation will always be more difficult. They require more physical energy and greater emotional and intellectual effort.

Communication in relationships.

One of the factors that ends relationships is adopting false communication patterns. That is when you want to say one thing, but you say something else. Or when you say one thing with your words, but your body language and tone says something entirely different. Also included are patterns that seek to manipulate, not communicate.

Conversations are crucial to a relationship. The wounds caused by what is left unsaid can never heal. Don’t let bad communication be a factor that ends your relationship. Work on good communication, first with yourself, then with your partner. Understand what you feel, what you want, and how to express it. 

2. Monotony

The subject of monotony is often misunderstood. Life, whether alone or with a partner, includes tedious moments. There are always routines, and sometimes they aren’t very interesting. No one, or at least almost no one, manages to treat life as a constant party or fabulous adventure. Boredom exists. Every one of us will experience it at some point or another, no matter how interesting your life is.

That being said, we also have to point out that sometimes we end up in stagnant circumstances. This leads to oppressive routines that seem impossible to escape from. Almost imperceptibly, life becomes an endless repetition of the same thing. There’s no room for novelty or change.

This type of monotony is capable of killing romantic love. In this case, routine desensitizes, numbs, and dilutes your emotions. That makes it more likely that the relationship will end, or that one partner will start another one.

Monotony ends relationships.

3. Overcoming the honeymoon phase (idealization)

This isn’t a factor that kills romantic love in and of itself. We are talking more about a point of inflexibility in the relationship. In this critical time, each partner has to negotiate with the other person and adapt. That way, coexistence is a plus and doesn’t become something that erodes the relationship.

The honeymoon phase or the falling-in-love phase of the relationship is when we idealize the other person. We lose our sense of judgment in proportion to the intensity of the emotion. We can’t see reality as it is. Instead, we see things through a kaleidoscope. We are talking about idealization, an image of love that seems true but isn’t quite accurate.

After a more or less brief time, this distortion tends to go away. If everything goes well, this is when affection and mutual understanding become the glue that holds the relationship together and makes it stronger. On the other hand, this is also when a lot of breakups happen. That is because the disappointment of finally seeing your partner for who they actually are can be overwhelming. They go from being perfect to being extremely flawed. This is a point at which the relationship will either get stronger or end.

These are not the only factors that can kill romantic love. Nevertheless, the ones we mentioned are the most common. It’s worth taking the time to reflect on them and act in time to improve the quality of your relationship and make it more stable.