You Went Through a Break Up. Now What?

You Went Through a Break Up. Now What?

Last update: 28 June, 2017

Break ups happen more and more frequently. Just a few decades ago, even just a few years ago, couples would stick together throughout their lives, despite disagreements. Today, things have changed a lot, you could even say that we have gone to the other extreme.

We have gone from putting up with and tolerating too much, to putting up with absolutely nothing that goes against our way of thinking. This does not benefit the couple at all.

Unconditionally accepting the other person with all their defects and virtues and being conscious that the perfect human being does not exist nor will ever exist is an open door to a fulfilling relationship. Of course, we must always set clear limits that cannot be passed, such as mistreatment, lack of respect or taking away one’s personal freedom.

When a relationship ends, feelings of desolation, emptiness and loneliness can linger for a long time. We go through the famous grieving process, and it is good to feel that hurt because ultimately, it is that pain that will help us heal.

Grieving has several stages that are well known to all: denial, anger, depression, acceptance…we may experience them all or only a few. Some people do not fully grieve after a break up, causing their pain to become entrenched for an extended period of time, which can lead to an emotional block.

What will I feel after a break up? 

Ending a relationship can be a painful process. You’ve been with that person for days, months or years, you have shared your whole life with him or her. You know them almost perfectly. You shared friends, you love their family, and all of a sudden it all goes up in smoke, almost from one day to the next. How am I not supposed to feel pain?

That person who was such a big part of your life and was so important to you, suddenly is no longer there, and you may never see them again. Of course it’s very hard. Your soul breaks into little pieces, you feel lost, you see no way out and this feeling of emptiness takes hold of you.

Despite all that, life goes on…the world will not come to a halt just because your relationship ended, and therefore, you have no choice but to keep moving ahead.

The first thing you need to know and accept is that you will feel bad, really bad. As we have already said, break ups hurt. But you also have to understand that it is normal, and wise. You should cry over the loss, get angry at the world, scream if you feel like it…as long as this behavior does not last long.

You may feel incomplete, as if half of your life is gone and never to return, that you will never find anyone else like that person, that you are a failure, etc.

You need to realize that these are all just ideas, thoughts that enter your head and are the real cause for your suffering. The more you delve into those feelings, the bigger they will get and the more pain they will cause. Don’t feed them.

How do I go back to being me after a break up? 

After going through the grieving process we just discussed you will begin to see things differently. Time is our greatest ally, but so is our mind when it is able to think realistically. It is no use for time to pass and we still feel incomplete, empty, thinking that they were the love of our life, etc.

Therefore, we have to force ourselves to think realistically and not entertain overly romantic ideas nor daydreams because that will only cause more harm.

We should get back on our feet and stop the extreme and rigid way of thinking. The love of your life does not exist. There is no one person born to by your soul mate, your other half, nor anything like that. What really matters is feeling comfortable with the person you are in a relationship with.

You are not alone or empty. You are surrounded by millions of people who are willing to get to know you, in addition to those you already know. That’s if you don’t close yourself off from them.

Even if you don’t feel like it, you should commit yourself to going out with your friends, get together with family, call someone you haven’t seen in a long time, fill your time with plans to have fun.

As you do so, little by little you will feel better. Furthermore, thanks to going out and meeting new people you might meet someone interesting or encounter opportunities, for work, traveling, recreation…you never know what is in store.

Heal yourself. It is possible that as part of a couple you stopped doing things that used to make you shine. Now is the time to take them up again and feel the same satisfaction in those activities. Many times, as part of a couple, we lose ourselves, and after a break up it is advisable to find ourselves again. Our self-esteem will thank us.

Having the attitude of not stopping, but rather of moving forward, of not closing ourselves in our unhappiness, nor mull on negative thoughts, will help us to win the fight against this great pain and we will come out stronger. After everything is said and done, the other person will just be a memory, a good one or bad one, but in the end just a memory.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.