You Won’t Forget, But You Can Rebuild Your Life

· September 11, 2017

One of the thoughts that causes the most unease in people is not being able to forget someone. This applies to people who are going through a breakup. Also, to those who are leaving behind a toxic relationship. The fear of feeling that the person is still present even though they are physically no longer in their lives. It has a lot to do with the uncertainty of not knowing if this will ever change. You never know if that feeling will ever truly go away.

Within this process, important emotional impacts take place when all of the good memories suddenly come back into your mind. Sensations which are a mixture of nostalgia and anger for those intermittent flashes emitted by that constant source of suffering.

Logically, these people end up asking themselves: How is it that the memories of someone who has made me suffer so much and from whom I need to get away still feel so beautiful? Why do they produce so much discomfort and unease for me? Is it maybe that they were “the one”? Should I not let them get away despite all of the damage they have caused?

couple with smeared faces embracing

Because at the end of the day, you still care a lot about that person. This is what makes us suffer the most when we are getting some distance from someone. Even if it’s for our own good, we do it in order to safeguard our self-love. How can I love someone who has harmed me so much? That is the question we make ourselves over and over.

You’re not going to forget them. You’re going to continue caring about them.

Well, you can. You can love someone who doesn’t deserve your love. You can remember someone with the same caring and tenderness that their memories have left us. Yours oftentimes ask questions. Such as: “How do you not hate him, after everything he did to you?”, “How, after everything you’ve been through, can you not see him in a different way?”. These questions, logical to the mind, are disconcerting to the heart.


lady looking out window

You can obviously continue loving someone who made you suffer. That’s the heart’s logic. The passion and pleasant emotions we have experienced are still there. Furthermore, they bring us good memories. Memories that make us suffer and cause us harm when we try to walk away. Because our head is incapable of understanding this strange paradox.

Yet, this paradox exists, and it’s a part of human nature. It’s useless to get frustrated trying to convince the heart to not feel, when that’s what it was made for. The heart will feel beyond the limits of our minds. You might think that some hearts are limited and controlled by minds. For this purpose, they have created a fortress that dims the heartbeats due to its thickness. Dims them until they’re simply an insignificant echo. But also keep in mind that every fortress or great wall is defensive, and it keeps us away from what we’re truly feeling.

Sanity will be our ally on this path

Accepting this reality is difficult, but it liberates us from having to put in a fair amount of useless effort. Now, the fact that the heart “is a free soul” doesn’t imply that we can’t use our heads. Sanity will help us maintain the integrity of our self-love. Not being able to forget someone who was an important part of our lives (regardless of the harm they caused) doesn’t imply that this person is the one we’re meant to be with.

“Refuse to suffer for love, and find your place in the solitude. Don’t allow your desire to love reign above everything else.”
-Walter Riso-