When You Know the Relationship Is Over

· May 31, 2016

You might think I made a mistake in the title of this article. Shouldn’t it be a question? But I don’t intend to ask when you know the relationship is over, but rather describe some feelings that we usually experience at the end of a relationship.

As sad as it seems, many of us stay in relationships for too long even though we know that the spark is gone, and all that’s left are ashes from a fire that once burned majestically and happily.

This is why we should end the relationship when we know there’s nothing left, in honor of something that once was beautiful. Unnecessarily prolonging the suffering will only throw more dirt onto the dying fire and blur the memories of happiness that two loving souls once shared.

Why prolong a dying relationship?

Now I am asking a question, and the question is, why prolong a dying relationship? Is it really worth it? Are the ties that unite you really so strong that you feel you can’t stop the bleeding, even though the love went away a long time ago?

“Which is my path? To wait for you? To forget you? To do what you do and run to the arms of other people, one after another, sleeping with one person today and another one tomorrow?”

-Frida Kahlo-

sad woman


For humans, the need to feel protected in our routine relationships is quite strong. This way, we think we’re less alone, and we know that there will always be someone waiting at home.

The men and women of this world are so afraid of loneliness, because we weren’t raised to live that way. We always need someone at home waiting for us.

Since we were little, we have been taught that a relationship is something that we need as adults. A job, a house, and a partner, and your life is complete, and you have achieved all the necessary goals.

However, every day we can see more and more that this does not satisfy us. We need to be ourselves and achieve our most hidden dreams, but we’re not prepared to achieve these goals, and we get frustrated at our inability to be truly happy with ourselves.

In those moments, we take refuge in routine, broken relationships that bleed love through every corner, but that also offer us a certain calmness and repose, even though we’re far from what we really need and dream of.

The fear of losing someone

We’ve been taught to be afraid, and a very common fear is losing someone we love, despite the fact that it isn’t love anymore.

“The most difficult thing is not the first kiss, but the last.”

-Paul Géraldy-

Maybe the affection is still there, and there might also still be some respect, understanding, and friendship or camaraderie. But this isn’t love, and not knowing that, along with the fear of losing them, blurs the mind, heart, and soul and prevents us from making the fateful decision to end the relationship.

Maybe the insecurity that we’ve felt since we were little keeps us from making difficult decisions. You know that the love is over, but you can’t say it out loud, or even to yourself.

Maybe the fear of loneliness, of not having anyone to go home to, is keeping you from making what you know would be the right decision, because you don’t see the value in guiding yourself in the right direction.

sad couple

Maybe you’re afraid of what other people will say. How will your family take it? What will your neighbors and friends think? How will you tell the kids? And all the while, you’re living an unhappy and painful life, dragging your dignity along the ground for a relationship that lost its passion years ago. And that kills you a little more inside every day.

It’s not always easy to listen to your heart, especially when it’s broken. But it’s necessary, because remaining in a relationship that has ended, that has no love anymore, is one of the worst things you can do to your soul. So be brave, think honestly, and do what you need to do to be happy again.