Three Questions to Answer Before Moving in Together
Although moving in together represents a step forward in most relationships, it doesn’t usually imply a commitment as important as the mythical “until death do you part”. However, sharing a living space with another person is a serious decision, which is why it’s vital to think it through beforehand to see if it’s the right thing to do, at least at that moment. This step is crucial in order to consolidate a relationship.
Before moving in together, both partners need to know each other enough and establish some minimum agreements. It’s important for them to have a similar perspective regarding certain aspects, especially the ones that tend to be problematic. Boundaries need to be clear and defined before taking this huge step.
It’s also essential for these people to be honest with one another. The only way to do this is by learning to be honest with themselves first. That being said, we’ll now show you three different questions you must ask yourself and answer truthfully before moving in with your partner.
1. Fidelity, an issue to resolve before moving in together
The first question to answer is the following: do you agree on fidelity matters? Many people ignore the fact that, by moving in together with their current partner, they won’t be able to see other people. They believe they’re still free to do whatever they please. In that case, it’s much better to be honest and straightforward and have a heart-to-heart conversation. Make your terms are as clear as possible so that there aren’t any disagreements once you’re moved in.
This tends to be a huge issue in most relationships, as it’s rarely addressed explicitly. This is why we emphasize the importance of being sincere with the other person. Believe it or not, both partners may have a different perspective on the value they place on fidelity or their willingness to live in monogamy.
Honest conversations can be difficult to have. Make sure you don’t make promises you know you can’t keep. Doping so will only hurt your partner and it may even end the relationship. The best thing to do is set the record straight, both at the beginning of the relationship and at this pivotal moment.
2. Do you agree on future plans?
If you and your partner have decided to move in together, it’s because you guys share projects. This goes back to the topic of sincerity, especially at the beginning of the relationship. If you have plans to make significant changes in your life, you must communicate them to your partner from the get-go.
The truth is that, in order for a relationship to truly work, most goals and dreams must coincide. If not, it’s likely that the mere development of individual life projects will create a void in the relationship. If one wants to settle down, while the other only dreams of traveling the world, the relationship is likely to end.
Aspects such as the desire to have children or not, as well as the lifestyle of each partner, are crucial for coexistence. The best thing is for both partners to agree on important aspects such as those (and others, of course), instead of waiting for their partner to change when moving in together. This isn’t likely to happen.
3. Do you want to move in with your partner?
This is another aspect that may seem obvious, but many times isn’t. The decision to live together must be completely free. Sometimes, the person may feel pressured to do this, whether by their partner, their own family, or by society. Whatever the case, it can take a toll on the person and push them to make decisions they don’t really want to make, which will lead them to unhappiness.
For example, many times, couples decide that moving in together is the right thing to do because everyone else, like their friends or other family members, are doing so. Other times, there’s a harsh silence whenever singleness is discussed in family gatherings. Additionally, there are cases where the person just isn’t comfortable with living by themselves so they assume that moving in with their partner is the solution to their issue.
Perhaps it’s best to rethink the decision to move in together if any of these factors are at play. If so, it may be necessary to resolve that issue first and not rush into a change that could lead to disappointment. If you choose to live with your partner, it must be because you want to. It’s your decision.
It’s clear that the decision to live with your significant other is reversible. At the end of the day, doing this doesn’t guarantee the relationship will work out. However, agreeing on the basics reduces problems.
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Palencia, A. R., Sánchez, J. J. H., Arreola, A. D. C., & del Castillo, C. C. Escala de costes y beneficios de vivir en pareja.
