Why Some People Can't Fall in Love

Some people don't manage to fall in love because the love of a partner doesn't fulfill them as much as other realities. At other times, the issue has to do with clashes or unresolved issues.
Why Some People Can't Fall in Love
Gema Sánchez Cuevas

Written and verified by the psychologist Gema Sánchez Cuevas.

Last update: 03 October, 2022

Some people can’t fall in love. B ehind this fact, usually lie certain unidentified reasons or problems. They’re not so easy to assimilate in contexts where romantic love is idealized or rigid codes are established regarding what’s ‘normal’ and what’s not.

While it’s true that some people can’t seem to fall in love, this doesn’t mean that they’re incapable of love. Indeed, romantic love is just one of love’s many facets. This feeling can also be focused in other directions such as family, friends, a job, a cause, or other human beings in general.

A problem only occurs, in the strict sense of the word, when there’s an inability to love or when people want to experience love in a relationship, but can’t. In these cases, there’s something lacking or contradictory. In other cases, people who can’t fall in love are simply individuals who don’t conform to the usual patterns of behavior.

Continue to share your heart with other people even though it’s been broken. Don’t treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used.”

-Amy Poehler-

People who can’t fall in love

In order to discover if people who can’t fall in love have a problem or not, the first thing to do is examine the situation in the emotional context in which it occurs. The first question that arises is: Does that person feel calm in such a situation?

If the answer is ‘yes’, it’s most likely that they’re someone who experiences love in a different way. There’s no one obstacle that prevents people from falling in love, but they may experience this type of situation with less intensity or have other priorities that they’re passionate about. In fact, those who fail to fall in love may not have ever focused on being intimate with another human being. The time simply might not have arrived yet.

We can be happy without being in love. We can also love without falling in love. Infatuation and love are two different realities. Some fall in love instantly and easily and others can’t, but they may well experience a different kind of love that’s committed and mature.

When it’s a worry

Let’s think about people who either can’t fall in love or don’t feel comfortable or calm with the idea. Those who pride themselves on not experiencing these kinds of feelings and think that this shows signs of strength or superiority would also fit into this group. In these kinds of cases, it’s most likely that there’s indeed a problem worth looking into.

What could be happening? It’s important to keep in mind that love is a feeling that’s developed by sharing experiences with another. Therefore, if spaces to spend time or interact with another person aren’t built, it’s possible that these people will never go beyond a formal social bond in their relationships.

For this reason, the first element to be considered is whether they have the opportunity to cross this border and are able to share intimate situations. After all, it’s really difficult for someone to fall in love if their communication with others is only superficial.

Other reasons that prevent people from falling in love

Sometimes, people fail to fall in love for unconscious reasons. For example, it’s possible that the love of a partner is idealized to the extent that the feeling isn’t even real.

Likewise, there are people with emotional blocks who, without realizing it, inhibit any type of behavior that might make them vulnerable. These people are afraid of love because they still feel the pain of emotional wounds that lead them to erect great barriers every time hope knocks on their door. They don’t want to be hurt again, and they know that one way to prevent it is to avoid love.

In other cases, social isolation prevents the opportunity of meeting someone who sparks a love interest. In this case, as in the previous two, there are individual problems to be solved. As a matter of fact, it’s likely that professional help will be needed to achieve it.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • Forment Costa, J. M. (2013). La incapacidad de amar en A pair of blue eyes de Thomas Hardy.
  • Mora Montes, J. M. (2007). Comprensión del enamoramiento. Cauriensia.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.