Sexual Narcissism: What is It?

In this article, we talk about sexual narcissism. Learning a sexual narcissist's MO and how to spot them can help you avoid falling into their trap.
Sexual Narcissism: What is It?

Last update: 19 August, 2019

Do you ever feel used by your sexual partner? Do they only want you around when they’re in the mood for sex? Does your sexual partner only care about their own pleasure and always puts you second? If any of this sounds familiar to you, pay attention. You might need to learn about sexual narcissism.

Sexual narcissism has a lot of things in common with narcissistic personality disorder. Here are some of the characteristics of sexual narcissists:

  • Sexual selfishness (they only care about their own pleasure). 
  • Lack of empathy (they don’t put themselves in their partner’s shoes and don’t care about that person’s physical or emotional needs).
  • They have a need for control and dominance over the other person.
  • They prefer uncommitted relationships. 
  • Sexual narcissists are excessively concerned about their physical appearance.
  • They feel superior to others.

Sexual narcissism

Sexual narcissists tend to be very skilled at the art of seductionThey’re generally very attractive, eloquent, and seem to care about others.

In addition, sexual narcissists are usually very attractive (not just physically). Their physical appearance, self-confidence, and assertiveness probably seem like positive traits to those around them. The people who respond most to these qualities are usually highly dependent or have low self-esteem.

One of the traits of sexual narcissism is only being concerned with your own pleasure.

We now know that sexual narcissists tend to have a false sense of self-worth. They’re also so focused on themselves that it’s impossible for them to care for others. Consequently , they never try to put themselves in other people’s shoes and are often completely insensitive

The dark side of sexual narcissism

When someone falls prey to a sexual narcissist, everything can seem great at the beginning. However, the victim will eventually realize something is wrong and discover the dark side of sexual narcissism.

This Casanova leaves you feeling emptier and emptier inside. You only have sex when they want to and how they want to. They’ll never worry about your own sexual needs, either. Thus, what began as passion will end up becoming pain and suffering. Ultimately, the sex will start feeling humiliating.

You could talk to them about what they’re doing, but a sexual narcissist will never acknowledge their own mistakes or lack of empathy. Instead, they’ll probably say things like:

  • “You’re just too demanding.”
  • “This has never been an issue before.”
  • “All my exes told me I was the best they’d ever had.”
  • “Maybe you can’t orgasm due to a physical issue.”

Basically, they’ll always blame you for everything. They’ll also never take responsibility nor admit they might be wrong.

Sex as punishment

Sex can be very dangerous when power dynamics come into play. Sexual narcissists often use sex as a weapon. If they want to punish you (for whatever reason), they might start to do that with sex.

For example, they might refuse to have sex except on their own terms. On top of that, they’ll avoid establishing a solid bond with their partner as a way to emotionally shield themselves from a potential breakup. This makes sex the entire basis for the relationship.

A man and woman having sex with their hands clasped together.

Differences between men and women

There are some differences between male and female sexual narcissists:

  • Female sexual narcissists generally demand that their partner admire them. Their attraction to their partner is directly proportional to how much their partner admires them. They often punish their partner with no sex. Their sex life is entirely dependent on whether or not their partner meets their demands.
  • Male sexual narcissists are generally indifferent to their partner’s pleasure. They’re also more likely to take advantage of their partner’s body.


Before we go, we just want to warn you that people like this rarely bring anything positive to other people’s lives. They often feed off of the energy from the people around them. Unfortunately, it’s very likely they’ll ignore you if you tell them what you’re feeling or how they’re hurting you.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • Bleichmar, H. (2000). Aplicación del enfoque Modular-Transformacional al diagnóstico de los trastornos narcisistas. Aperturas psicoanalíticas5.
  • Dio Bleichmar, E. (2002). Sexualidad y género: nuevas perspectivas en el psicoanálisis contemporáneo. Aperturas Psicoanalíticas. Revista Internacional de Psicoanálisis, (11).
  • Freud, S. (1992). Introducción al narcisismo. Alianza.
  • Trechera, J. L., Millán Vásquez de la Torre, G., & Fernández Morales, E. (2008). Estudio empírico del trastorno narcisista de la personalidad (TNP).

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.