Seven Things You Won't Find in a Relationship

There are several important things you won't find in a relationship. No one is going to build the foundations you should build yourself, even though they may inspire them. Thus, don't expect someone else to give purpose to your existence.
Seven Things You Won't Find in a Relationship

Last update: 24 May, 2021

Although you may feel empty from time to time and may even long for a “better half”, you must be aware that there are some things you won’t find in a relationship.

Indeed, there are moments when love makes people feel complete. However, these moments are fleeting. This is because they have more to do with the idealized perception of what falling in love imbues you with than with actual reality.

Some people are reluctant to accept it. In fact, they think that a partner who doesn’t fulfill them just isn’t right. Thus, they’re constantly seeking and, of course, always dissatisfied. Sooner or later, they realize that there are many things they can’t get from any partner. In today’s article, we’ll talk about some of them.

“I’ll find that special person who’s wrong for me in just the right way.”

-Andrew Boyd-

Things you won’t find in a relationship

A woman touching a butterfly.

1. Self-confidence is one of the things you won’t find in a relationship

The confidence you have in yourself isn’t going to change with any partner. It’s common to feel confident and even powerful next to the person you love. However, this is merely a perk of being in love. It increases confidence in what you are and what you can do.

However, when your self-confidence depends on something or someone external, it’s like a house without a foundation. As such, it can collapse at any given moment.

2. Complete happiness

This is something people experience in a fleeting way in the best of cases and only a few times in their life. Being in love and feeling reciprocity is precisely when you feel completely happy, at least for a while.

The high of falling in love only lasts a short time and gradually fades away, even if you’re truly in love. More serene stages characterized by emptiness, contradictions, and disagreements follow this explosion of happiness.

3. Absence of pain

There’s no way to completely eradicate pain from your life. This is actually healthy, as pain exposes you to valuable learning experiences. The fantasy of avoiding pain at all costs is even higher when you fear it. One of the ways to try to avoid it is to take refuge in the love of a partner.

However, one of the things nobody else can provide is immunity from pain. In reality, love is also painful. Thus, you’ll have to experience many disappointments.

4. Total certainty

Lovers often speak in definitive terms. However, there are no guarantees that a relationship will last forever. Those who are convinced of it swear eternal love to each other but countless circumstances can lead to a change of circumstances.

Every partner is a loan life makes you and it’ll end at some point. Even marriage has a limit: “Till death do us part”. People often take for granted that their time is limited. As you can see, there’s no such a thing as total certainty when it comes to love.

5. Sense of purpose is one of the things you won’t find in a relationship

Another recurring fantasy about love is the idea that it gives your life meaning. Your partner becomes the driving force, the motivation, and the goal. Your life is no longer empty and everything seems to make sense as soon as you find “the one”.

But this is another illusion, as it’s up to you to give meaning to your own life. It isn’t real if it needs an external factor. The direction of your existence is only solid if it stems from your own search and self-discovery.

6. Constant stability

Uncertainty brings with it a dose of anguish, which is why we all seek stability to a greater or lesser extent. If situations are a little more predictable, the feeling of insecurity is lessened and tends to dissipate. On the contrary, the unstable and the inconstant gets on our nerves.

The fact that a couple is stable doesn’t mean that they’re constantly stable. Every couple goes through ups and downs. Even the strongest and most passionate relationships reach blind spots, where doubt arises as to whether it’s best to stay together or end the relationship. No relationship offers foolproof stability.

Things you won't find in a relationship.

7. Total satisfaction

Dissatisfaction is another one of those elements that haunt the life of any human being. There’ll always be a moment in which your significant other leaves a void.

Another thing no partner will ever give you is total satisfaction. This is because true love is built on the premise that nobody is perfect. Dealing with mistakes and with everything that doesn’t fully meet a person’s expectations is an unavoidable reality in any couple.

In short, relationships are more solid when each partner is aware that they must find a certain balance in their autonomy and not depend on one another.

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  • Otero, X. M. (2005). Ni contigo ni sin ti: la pareja irrompible. Revista intercontinental de Psicología y Educación, 7(2), 27-42.