Seven Keys to Find Love Again
Becoming enamored with someone is really a stroke of luck. It is not just the butterflies in your stomach; rather, it is as if you suddenly felt like everything were possible, and you were capable of facing anything. It is also a short-lived state that gives way to a break-up or Love with a capital L.
We do not decide when we will fall in love, nor with whom precisely. In general, it seems like it is chance that decides where, when, and who. However, what we can do is create the ideal conditions for love to come and stay.
“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”
There must be a willingness to love in your heart. There must be an opening for love. Otherwise, no matter how great a person comes into your life, you will not be able to see them, value them, or let them see and value you.
Sometimes the heart closes off out of fear of suffering. Maybe there are past experiences, more or less traumatic, that could turn love into a seemingly dangerous field. So you close them out and do not let it happen. However, loving again is always worth it and these are seven keys so this will happen.
1. Clean your heart before you love again
It is not a good idea to think about falling in love if you are still hanging onto shreds of a past relationship. Motives like revenge, pride, or avoiding pain are terrible reasons for your heart to really feel love for someone new.
The best way to get over someone is not by getting under someone else. If only it were that easy. What you need after experience great love and losing it is to start a mourning process to filter your emotions. During this process, your heart is still not ready to spread its wings and love again.
You have to clear up the good and the bad that the relationship you ended left behind. Identify why it ended and what you can learn from that experience. When you understand all of that and feel like you are in a state of relative calm, it is time to take the next step.
2. Take enough time to sit in solitude
It has been proven that a relationship is much deeper and long lasting when both parties know how to live in solitude. That is why it is important for you to take enough time to be with yourself, without emotional compromises.
Remember that sometimes our partner turns into a pretext for avoiding issues in our own lives. You can end up believing that “you were not born to be alone,” or that if you get a new partner, your problems will be solved. This is not true.
First, you must learn to be pleased with life by yourself, without the presence of that other person who shares everything with you and who shows you affection, supports you, and understands you. If you do not, you may be starting to act like someone desperate seeking affection. And you are going to find a dysfunctional relationship that, deep down, is built on harmful dependence.
3. Take care of yourself, meticulously
Before you love again, it is good to pay attention to yourself. Take care of yourself in the full sense of those words. That means looking at your health and your life habits to correct any lack there may be.
It is not just a matter of going to the doctor or setting up a workout plan. What is important is focusing on yourself, on your needs. Giving value to your well being, with the goal of knowing yourself better and increasing your self-esteem. It is not possible for others to love you if you do not love yourself first.
4. Fill yourself with courage and say goodbye to fear
Only you know when it is the right time to open the gates and let love come into your life again. Usually there is some, or often, a lot of fear. This is because loving implies making yourself vulnerable to suffering, because nothing guarantees that they will love you, too, or that you are not going to suffer from a letdown.
However, if you have done everything in the previous points, surely you are better prepared to face love and its vicissitudes. There is nothing left to do but take heart and tell yourself each day “I am going to let myself love again.”
Without preventions, calculations, or rushing. For love to blossom, you have to let it come spontaneously. And for it to come, you must simply open your heart and have the courage to risk loving again.
5. Do new things
Include new activities in your life. It is time to take that class you keep putting off, or to join a new group of friends, a club, or some kind of community that interests you. By doing this, you will be killing two birds with one stone. You will get to know new people and you will escape the routine that you have been in until now.
By doing new things, your body and mind will enter a dynamic that prepares the conditions so that new things will come into your life. That something may very well be love that probably will not knock on your door. You have to go out and look for it, without excuses or fear. When you least expect it, it will smile at you.
6. Travel a lot and go out and have fun
Traveling is a great way to break away from habits, get out of a routine, and meet lots of new people. By traveling, you are opening yourself in a positive way to new encounters. You are in a different context and that forces you to “change gears.” There is nothing better than finding yourself in a state of renewal so that love can work its magic.
You also have to go out and have fun doing activities that draw your attention. Cinema, circus, theater, dance, whatever you consider fun. Everything that puts your heart in party mode. Your clear, open attitude will be easy for others to see who also want to start a new relationship.
7. Give people a chance
You probably know nice, likeable people, but you still feel like there is not an immediate connection. That can happen because there is not enough chemistry or because deep down, there is resistance on your part due to past experience or fear of suffering.
So the best thing is for you to give each person you know a chance. Do not expect the flames to take off immediately: sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. But there is no doubt that there are many relationships that are made of time, not a “spark.” This is why if you like a person, give them a chance to get to know you. Do not just settle for first impressions.