Regain Control as a Parent by Talking to Your Children

April 4, 2019
Discover how to regain control as a parent in this article!

Nowadays, parents have a hard time finding good ways to educate their children, which makes them feel lost and apathetic. That’s how Jaime Barylko describes it in his book Fear for Children. In fact, according to this author, some parents who are baffled by their role and afraid of invading their children’s privacy also want to regain control.

Parents are more flexible and open to listening and understanding their children these days. Although this is mainly positive, this new “parenting style” comes with several challenges that parents have to face.

On the other hand, some parents have delegated their role to other institutions. Due to the long work hours that go against normal family life, many find it hard to control their children. But children need a role model. In this article, we’ll tell you how to regain control as a parent in your home.

The greatest challenge is regaining control without becoming a tyrant. In order to overcome that challenge, the following models take into consideration the different obstacles modern-day parents have to face.

A father and his son looking at each other.

Three constructive control models to regain control as a parent

Role model-based authority

Controlling your children is essential for their education and growth. Also, it’s fundamental to set an example for them because it’s no use trying to teach them values if you don’t set an example yourself. Thus, the first thing you must keep in mind is that children will tend to behave the way you do.

“When I approach a child, he inspires in me two sentiments; tenderness for what he is, and respect for what he may become.”

-Louis Pasteur-

If you tell your child something, and then do the exact opposite, they’ll only see how you behave and copy that. Therefore, you have a huge responsibility when it comes to your children’s education.

Priorities and value-based authority

Being the authority requires teaching them about how important it is to behave well. Parents must make sure their children understand how your authority aims for these values to be a priority. You’re only in control of your children when you educate them to grow and be better.

Communication-based authority

You must be completely aware of what you say to your children. But words aren’t enough, as you must also watch the tone you use and how you talk to them.

A mother talking to her child.

Effective ways of communicating with your children

The way you communicate with your children is one of the fundamental aspects of their education and development, as long as you complement it with your actions.

Here are some examples of how to talk to them. In each one of these examples, you’ll see the difference between poor and effective communication. The main difference is that, in the latter, you can regain your control as a parent through affection instead of coercion:

  • “Hand me that” against “Would you mind handing me that please? Mom and dad would love it!” 
  • “I’ll beat you” against “Tell me why you did that if you know we don’t like it.”
  • “Start cleaning your rooms or you’ll all be in trouble” against “The first one to clean their room gets a prize! 1, 2, 3… Go!”
  • “Clean up your room or you’re grounded” against “Your room is very messy. If you clean it up by the end of the afternoon, I’ll get you your favorite snack.”
  • “Go to sleep” against “Tell me what you dreamed of yesterday. Let’s see if you can continue dreaming about it. I’ll tell you a story to help you fall asleep.”
  • “You’re annoying me” against “Let me take a break and then I’ll play with you some more.” 
  • “These pants are too dirty” against “It’s such a shame that you get your clothes dirty all the time. We can’t go out like this. If you try not to get dirty, you’ll be able to hang out at your friend’s house more often.”

Why it’s good for you to regain control as a parent

The goal is not only to make your kids obey you, but also to make them understand why they must behave. This way, you’ll be able to teach them to establish a connection with the value of good behavior.