I Have Problems With Everyone. Am I The Problem?
There are days where we get up in a bad mood, wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or with our temper ready to flare up. It is a day that will bring problems. It is a kind of annoying buzzing that we have no way to shake off. No matter how much we start swinging our fists around us, like when we were little and tried to hit the piñata while blindfolded. The bad thing is that we do not always give warning signs that we are walking around with our stick at the ready. Others, who trustingly approach us, can end up earning themselves a good whack.
This is why it is essential for us to incorporate a set of mental tools so that we know how to stop those days – when we are angry at the whole world – in time. We can’t expect everyone around us to change and show us a smile. It is much more about going off for a moment, leaving a place where we cannot “attack” anyone, and relaxing.
Other times, we get up in a normal mood, not necessarily euphoric, and yet we cannot help starting argument after argument. Disaster becomes a disaster. In these situations, who is responsible? What can be done to change this problem? The fact that we do not get along well with anyone, is it our fault or theirs?
Do we acquire problems or do we seek them out?
Of course we would all say that “I am not looking for a fight…they find me.” But sometimes our attitude or our way of thinking is acting as a “bait” for problems. As if these were a big magnet that attracts them to us.
The same thing happens with relationships. If we do not often keep friendships, partners, or good coexistence with our coworkers, it may be the case that we are responsible. When these situations come up rather often, we can no longer blame the other party, nor the circumstances, nor our bad choice to surround ourselves with a certain type of person.
We must start questioning ourselves and understanding why we always end up in the same situation. Remember that the same actions habitually lead to the same results. If there is something that you do not want, you have to act in a different way to change it.
Problems repeat themselves time and time again
Since we are already talking about set phrases, we could point out one that can be perfectly adjusted to this problem: “we men tend to trip twice over the same Stone… and we even grow fond of it.” If we do not have problems with a handful of people, this can be normal and even understandable (because we cannot be friends with everyone). But if we fight with our neighbor, with our parents, with our boss, with the cashier at the supermarket, with our coworker, with our childhood friend, and with the bus driver…well then, we are in trouble.
The good news is that this behavior of having continuous problems, once we have identified it, can be modified and improved. For this, it is essential for us to assume the responsibility for our mistakes. It is very common to say that the other person is the one with the problem, that the world is the one at fault…that we are free from all responsibility.
“Has everyone turned against me?” This is a very common phrase. Could it be that you have turned against the others? Of course it is not on purpose nor with the intention to hurt other people, but the fact of the matter is that with our actions, we hurt and push away those we love (and strangers as well).
Assuming responsibility for our problems
The first step to stop blaming the world, karma, or the universe for our problems is to assume responsibility for them. If you get nervous when you drive because your partner is in the passenger seat, the problem is yours and not theirs. If you have an argument because of a misunderstanding with your coworker at the office, the blame is yours for not asking in time, not your coworker’s who tried to explain the situation to you.
We could give thousands of examples like these, but the important thing is the reason why we fight with others or push them away from us. Because of our attitude! Your way of acting defines you and can help you or hurt you when it comes to human relationships.
Why not start with a little bit of objective introspection to find where you have failed? There is no reason to beat yourself up over it or to go around like a soul in pain with your clothes torn to shreds. It is simply a matter of understanding what words, actions, or emotions lead you to have problems with others.
Maybe it is a because of a lack of self-esteem, fear of accepting your own feelings, fear of losing control of situations, being angry with yourself, etc. The options are diverse and as numerous as the people living on this planet.
If you know someone in this situation or you are in it yourself, your job now is to start thinking about how the other person feels when you react in this way. Think about the fact that anger towards the world only increases the possibility that it will treat you in the same way as you are treating it and that you and your vision of the world are not entering a good situation for you or for those around you.