It's Not What You Used to Do, But the People You Used to Do It With

13 June, 2017

You have been through many experiences, some good and others not so good. You will continue living through new experiences which will leave their mark on you. And when you look back, you will remember. However, what will you focus on when you look back on your past? It won’t be on your personal success. The bad days and failures will be the sole protagonists. The main focus won’t be what you have achieved, but the people you shared these achievements with.

The best and the worst moments in our lives are always determined by people.

A lot of these situations, both the positive and negative ones, which you remember now as if they were stories, have people as their main characters. People who have marked you. People who have inspired you. Even people who have hurt you.

It is very curious to be aware of the huge amount of time we dedicate to our successes, goals, objectives, and to our personal growth…Instead, when we look back, many of the aspirations and efforts we made were not worthy of remaining in our memory.

couple in a boat

It’s not about what, it’s all about who

Connecting with other people is very important for us. From childhood, these relationships mark us. Let’s think about our parents for a moment, about how they become fundamental pillars and helped us take our first steps, both literally and metaphorically. Thanks to them, we learn a lot of things about the art of living.

However, our progenitors soon start to be left behind due to the arrival of new friends and partners. That new world in which we have to deal with people who do not form a part of our family. Though, on some occasions, we will consider them as such. Many of them will disappoint us. Yet, we will trust others and end up suffering. And with several others, we will discover the meaning of the word “happiness”. All of these people will help us learn about bonding.

Bonding, an everyday task

Each new day is a challenge to achieve a better relationship with our boss, to resolve that discussion we had with our brother or to improve many other experiences which worry us in regards to our connections with other people. It is like everything comes down to that. As if our main objective in life was to improve our bonds with other people.

“Although we spend much of our time and effort focused on personal achievements such as our careers. The events that end up being most important in our lives, the events that bring us the most happiness and also carry the most potential for pain are social events, moments during which we feel connected to others.”
-Shira Gabriel

You might be wondering: what is going on with the people I dislike?  I don’t want to take care of that bond. I want to get rid of it. With only this reality placed upon the table, do you realize how people are the nucleus of your life? The good and the bad is pointed out by people you give value to.

couple standing in front of a house

This might happen because we are social beings. We feel the need to communicate with others, to feel that we form part of a group…This makes it essential for us to connect with someone, so that we can feel good. When this doesn’t happen we feel sad, because negative feelings and emotions bloom inside of us. Having reached this point, it is only logical that when you turn around to observe what you have already experienced, what comes to mind is not the what, but who you were with.

Happiness is born when you can share

If people are that important to us, it’s normal that not sharing our achievements and goals, our own joy, will make us incapable of being happy. This will explain why many individuals that have reached success or any other objective that has made them triumph, still don’t perceive themselves as complete.

Think of someone that has been very successful. They have had to compete with others that were also as successful. However, with effort, passion and hard-work, they accomplished what they had always desired. But, what did that person think when they got to the top? Of how proud they felt, but they also thought about wanting to share that great accomplishment with the people they most love. If this is obvious, isn’t it then time to act accordingly?

Start appreciating the people around you. Sometimes we forget them. We keep ourselves from staying with our family because we have to go to work. We postpone dinners with our friends due to projects or other issues that we prioritize ahead of them. Christmas is approaching, how many people don’t get to spend it with their loved ones?

Your achievements won’t have the same effect for you if you don’t have anyone to share them with. 

It’s true that on occasions, you simply can’t, but remember that moments are unique. If you don’t take advantage of them while you have the chance, these will pass by and never happen again. Having a vision towards the future is very good. But, if people form such an important part of your memories, don’t leave them aside. They also deserve for you to dedicate your time to them.

couple walking through woods

Now, every time you turn to look back, focus on all of those people that have left a mark on the important moments in your life. Because here “almosts” are worthless. Absolutely every single one of those special moments, the most painful and heartfelt situations, the day you felt fulfilled, the night you wished to simply die…They all have as protagonists the people who have formed part of your life.