Having Is Not Possession, Because Possession Is Not Love

· December 8, 2016

Even today, many people confuse possessing with true love. Has the presence of possession in a relationship ever worked? Why do problems arise if we think in this way?

Today we will discover the big differences that exist between having, possessing, and what this has to do with love… or not. Let’s go!

Neither is love a cage nor freedom being alone. Love is the freedom to fly with someone by your side. It is letting be, without possessing

Having someone is not possessing

Although we may believe at first that having and possessing have something to do with one another, the truth is that when it comes to relationships, there is a huge gap between these two terms. Having someone does not imply possession in any way and this is something that we really need to keep in mind.

Having someone means we count on that special person who is at our side without them being obligated. That person whom we love and desire, but whom we know is free. They give us their company, love us, share their life with us, but they do it in a completely free way.

Mouths About To Kiss

There are people who think they possess people due to the mere fact that those people want to be with them. They do not realize that people are not objects, that they have no obligation to stay by their side forever. They are free!

Possession, in exchange, often implies insecurity because, as we have said, people are not objects. People come and go, they enter our lives and leave them. Despite the fact that we count on them in our lives, we cannot hold them back because we do not possess them. Possession is not love, possession is insecurity, it is fear, it is an effort to hang onto what cannot be held back.


Confusing love with possession

How do we know that we are confusing love with possession? The greatest manifestation of this is jealousy. When a person is overly jealous, that person wants to possess their partner. Maybe they have a false perception of what love is, maybe they do not know that there is an absolutely unjustified fear behind this.

“If our love is only a will to posses, it is not love”

-Thich Nhat Hanh-

But if we dig deeper into this topic, we will find ourselves in much more difficult situations such as abuse, both physical and psychological, which affects many relationships. Abuse is nothing but another way to show possession, to mark our territory, to have power.

This is why confusing love with possession is not just a banal issue, but one that leads to extremely unpleasant situations that destroy relationships and, above all else, people. Why do we get to these extremes? Why is it so hard not to possess others?

Couple in Sky

Maybe it is because there are so many love stories that we have seen that keep promising us happy endings. Maybe because of those “together forever” stories are nothing but simple, dressed up, and perfect descriptions of possession.

Free love, perfect love

How many times have you started a relationship and been aware that it may end before you expected? Isn’t it true that the promises of eternal love and the vision of taking trips together flood our minds? Without realizing it, we are predisposing ourselves to suffering.

We do not know how to have a partner without that need to possess them, to have them for us alone, to worry about if they are interested in other people, to start being distrustful and thinking they might leave us. What is our reaction? Anger, jealousy, and a clear struggle to make it clear that they are ours and ours alone.

We have to open our minds, leave behind that love-possession relationship that is already so antiquated. Now we can see that love-possession as a love-having. Having that person who shares their life with us, but whom we do not possess because they are free.

“He asked her to prove her love for him. She let him go.”

-Livia Hernández-

Believing that we cannot live without our partner is a lie that we tell ourselves constantly. How many times have you thought this about a relationship that later ended? Maybe we are constantly dramatizing the reality of relationships when we should be more realistic.

Woman Blowing Blue Sand

But we love to believe in happy endings and in the romantic movies that do not show even a small part of what really happens. How do you act in relationships? Is it hard for you to love without possessing? We just have to reflect on this and start changing our perception. Love should be happiness and freedom, not suffering and possession.