Do Not Lose Your Value Over Someone Who Doesn’t Know What They Have

· March 7, 2017

It is normal for us to feel like we are losing our value in the eyes of the people we love, and yet they are not neglecting us. We end up believing that the reasons why they do not love us will always be our personal defects or, as we often say, “because of who I am” or “because we don’t click.”

In other words, we end up not giving ourselves values in our desire to have questions and answers for almost everything. This “loss of value” as a consequence of habit or routine is a very normal sensation in relationships. The magic goes away, along with the touches and the displays of affection, and finally love is destroyed.

Now, saying it is normal does not mean that it “doesn’t drown us in emotional misery,” that it doesn’t affect us end put an end to relationships that promised everything and turned out to be nothing. In any case, knowing that this happens, it is very important for us to be aware of our resources to avoid pain.

Woman with Umbrella

“It is absolutely necessary to commit suicide every once in a while. Flee from oneself, lose oneself, feel one’s body empty, exhausted, sore. Shed one’s skin, drink, hit rock bottom, and then not remember anything. Being absent from everything to later cling to life. Find oneself again. And dress up in pastel colors, walk with a light step, and smile at the neighbors when they greet you on the stairs.”

-Author unknown-


The painful loss of value in the eyes of those we love

Habit is undoubtedly to blame for our loss of value in the eyes of those we love. We often get used to what we have and do not appreciate what our partner, our friend, or our relative implies in our lives.

As a result, we neglect and ignore the care, affection, and daily conquest. We set aside the smiles, the good days, the caresses mixed with loving words, the ability to surprise… everything.

With time, we become routine, obligation, and indifference, and we turn into cold stones, unfeeling, motionless, and inert.

Maybe we are friendly with other people, we are focused on our work, on new hobbies, on sports, on other friendships or relationships, etc. But we often forget to be how we are supposed to be for THAT PERSON. Then love dies, prisoner to the assault of indifference and that bad habit that we have of not appreciating what we have.

 Dandelion

Routine is inevitable, but that doesn’t make us lose value

They often say that “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” Nothing is further from the truth. We do know what we have; what happens is that we do not believe that there could come a day where we will lose it all.

We think that those PEOPLE will always be there, that we have put up with enough to deserve the time we have left with our partner, that these are just bad stages and bad habits, and that if something goes wrong, it will get better over the years.

The issue is that day a miracle will happen never seems to come, everything keeps on wrapping us in the torment of despondency, darkness, and disinterest.

Woman Staring at Sea

Now, the moment will probably come when one of the two members of the relationship will end up thinking (or better yet, feeling) that what is not solved by turning the pages will always be fixed by getting a different book. This is perfectly normal and understandable since we cannot spend our whole life tied to a relationship that is eating us up inside, putting an end to our expectations, and cheating us of our needs.

We are not made to conform. This is why we, if we spend too much time tied down to a relationship whose light has gone out, that has given into indifference and apathy, we have a habit of making it into a “tomb for life” that will worsen our emotional exchange.

Being together is much more than loving one another. This is why, for any kind of love to keep moving forward, it is vital that there be mutual interest and that this is shown as such. Otherwise, the relationship will turn into an emotional drain for the member of the relationship who wants to, but cannot.