No One Heals Himself by Hurting Others
No injured person heals himself by projecting his pain onto others, and even less so by projecting it onto the people he loves. However, it is possible for us to have found ourselves in this situation despite not wanting it or not even noticing it to begin with.
It is very sad to feel bad about oneself, but it is even sadder to become aware that, as if it were a defense mechanism, we are protecting ourselves by using a perverse instrument: putting tension on our relationships with others. Projecting the frustration and pain that we carry inside us onto them because we believe that, no matter what happens, they are going to forgive us.
Think about it: don’t you feel bad for having pushed someone out of your life as a result of an emotional blockage that you saw no escape from? Or isn’t it true that someone has hurt you so much at some point that you then put up walls against everyone who maybe deserved a chance?
“Open your heart and do not be afraid to let someone break it. Broken hearts heal. Protected hearts end up turning to stone”
Our heart is one of our most valuable organs, and we understand it as the representation of our emotional center, the emotional companion that we have to care for the most. That is why it is not healthy to close off your heart, because if you do this, in addition to letting in the cold, you will only be able to offer cold. If we are suffering, we must heal. If we do not let it happen, will hurt those around us.
The healing process takes place within us
When we explode outwardly in one way or another, we do not do it as a result of an outside provocation, but rather because a wound inside us bursts. Imagine that we fall down, we hurt ourselves, and we leave it alone, not cleaning or covering it. What happens then?
First of all, it can get infected, which will require a lot more work to fix. Or someone could walk pass us and rub us without meaning to. In this case, it would hurt and we would react negatively towards the person who touched us. Despite the fact that the problem is not the person who touched us, but rather our failure to take care of our wound when we should have.
“Each time a person hurts another person, he does it starting from his own wound. The deeper it is, the more harmful.”
-Miguel Ángel Núñez-
The heart needs to accept the situation that makes it uncomfortable and most of the healing process revolves around understanding what solutions allow it to overcome whatever is making it suffer. Stopping to reflect on that situation that we want to leave behind us requires great effort and sacrifice on our part. By not dedicating ourselves to this, it could seem like the situation is over, but in reality, it will remain and it will not let us move forward.
No one wants to see us this way. Why pay for it with others?
Theoretically, it would be wonderful for everyone if each of us could keep this idea in mind: if the people in my life are there, it is because they love me and are happy to see me doing well; it is not right to pay them back with my bad mood or to try to fix what is upsetting me at their expense.
In honor of the birthday of the beloved author of The Little Prince, we want to return to a premise that he left all over his work: although the most primal reaction of any animal, including the human being, is to set up a defensive barrier after having been hurt by another, not all people want to harm us nor are they to blame for what is going on in our lives.
“It is madness to hate all roses because you got scratched with one thorn. To give up on your dreams because one didn’t come true”
–The Little Prince-
By refusing to establish new relationships or putting up walls with those closest to us, we are not going to manage to heal, nor are we going to prevent everything that bothered us from happening again. It is also not useful to be against those who are helping us, nor to hide the problem to convince ourselves it no longer exists. Ask yourself: could this be happening to you?
Spoil yourself! We deserve it
If your answer to the previous question is indecisive or a yes, you have to prepare to really spoil yourself. Only by caring for yourself, by giving yourself another chance, listening to yourself, valuing yourself, and loving yourself will you manage to lead a happy life full of harmony with others.
We deserve to learn to say “no” when it is necessary. We have to teach our heart to make mistakes, to hit rock bottom, and to come out of it, because that is what creates emotional balance: regulating the good and the bad of the experiences we have. Try to change the main rule: if we care for others, we will take care of ourselves, but at no time must we stop taking care of ourselves.
Hurting others because someone hurt us is a bad behavior that does not solve anything. Remember that a heart that does not know what to do with its pain and that attacks others instead of healing itself will only end up doing itself greater harm.