Love Has a Limit and Its Name Is Dignity
Love will always have a limit and that is dignity, because that respect that each of us has for ourselves has a very high price and it will never accept a love that is not fulfilling, that hurts and makes us vulnerable.
Pablo Neruda said that love is short and forgetting very long. So then, in between, there is always that “firefly’s light” that naturally flares up in the dark nights to show us where the limit is, to remind us that it is better to spend a long time forgetting than in a long torment where we end up selling our dignity.
Sometimes there is no other solution than to forget what we feel in order to remember what we are worth, because dignity should not be lost to anyone, because love should not be begged for, and although love should never be lost out of pride, we also must not lose our dignity over love.
Whether we believe it or not, dignity is that fragile, delicate string that we compromise so many times, that can break to the point that our emotional relationships start to unwind. There are many times when we cross that border without wanting to. We are swept away by extremes in which our moral thoughts turn weak. We think that everything is worth it for love and that anything we give up is minor.
Because love and dignity are two currents in a convulsive ocean in which even the most experienced sailor can lose his way.
The pride and dignity of self-love
It is often said that the ego feeds our pride and the spirit our dignity. Whatever the case may be, these two psychological dimensions are two daily inhabitants of the complex islands of our emotional relationships and sometimes they end up being confused.
Pride, for example, is an enemy that we know all too well and who tends to be associated with self-love. Nevertheless, it goes a step beyond this, because pride is an architect who specializes in building walls and weaving entanglements of barbed wire in our relationships, in garnishing every detail with arrogance, and in cleaving victimization to every word. However, underneath all of these destructive actions, what is hidden is really a low self-esteem.
As for dignity, it is the exact opposite. It acts by listening to the voice of our inner “me” at all times in order to support self-respect, without forgetting about respect for others. Here, the concept of self-love acquires its maximum meaning because we feed on it to protect ourselves without harming others: without causing “collateral” effects, but validating our own self-esteem at all times.
Dignity has a very high price
Dignity is not sold nor is it lost or given away, because a defeat at the right time will always be worth more than a victory if we manage to come out of that battle in one piece, with our heads held high, our heart whole.
People tend to think that there is nothing worse than being abandoned by someone that we love. This is not the case; the most destructive thing is losing oneself loving someone who does not love us.
Martyrdom and resignation do not fit in healthy and worthy love. When we put ourselves is in their shadow there will no longer be many sunny days for our heart nor food for our hopes.
For this reason and in order to avoid falling into these convulsive emotional currents, it is worth the time to reflect on the following questions that can doubtlessly be of some help to you:
- In emotional relationships, sacrifices have borders that should be marked off. We are not obligated to provide an answer to all our partner’s problems, to offer them air every time they breathe, nor to turn off our own light so that theirs can shine. Remember where the real limit is: in your dignity.
- Love is felt, touched, and created every day. If we do not perceive any of these things, it will not serve any purpose to ask for it, and even less so to sit there waiting for a miracle to happen that makes no sense. Assuming that we are no longer loved is an act of courage that will stop us from drifting into situations that are as delicate as they are destructive.
- Love must never be blind. No matter how much this idea is defended in society, it is necessary to remember that it is always better to offer oneself to someone with eyes wide open, a heart lit up, and very strong dignity. Only then will we be the true creators of those dignified relationships that are worth the effort, with a focus on respecting and being respected, creating a healthy situation without power games or irrational sacrifices.
Dignity is and always will be the recognition that we are worthy of better things. It will always be better to have dignified solitude than a life with incomplete relationships. Do not permit it, do not lose your dignity over anybody.