Lonely in the Middle of a Crowd

Lonely in the Middle of a Crowd
Adriana Díez

Written and verified by the psychologist Adriana Díez.

Last update: 21 December, 2022

It doesn’t matter how many people you know or how many friends you have on social media. What’s truly important is what the people around you mean to you. What are they worth to you? Numbers don’t matter because you can be surrounded by people and still feel alone.

Have you ever felt like no matter how bundled up you are, you can’t get warm? Have you ever felt like your need for human contact isn’t fulfilled, even though there are people around?

Do you ever feel alone and like no one can help you? That empty feeling won’t go away if you are looking to fill it from the outside. This is an internal issue, and you have to resolve it from within before looking to others.

Solitude is an opportunity to spend time with yourself. Solitude gives you permission to engage in internal dialogue. In those moments, you get to know yourself better, figure out what you want and where you are going. When you are alone, you have the pleasure of being with yourself.

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”

-Wayne Dyer-

You won’t ever feel lonely if you enjoy your own company. You won’t feel alone if you are at peace with yourself. In fact, only then should you look outward. If you are all noise and confusion inside, how can you hear the music outside?

The value of what’s around you

It’s a mistake to prioritize quantity when you are looking for companionship. The key is qualityIt doesn’t matter how many people there are if they don’t offer you anything. Nor does it matter how much time they spend with you if it’s not time well spent.

You will always feel lonely if it doesn’t make you happy to spend time with yourself or others. You will always think that no one understands you, no matter how many times you repeat the same story.

And you will always think that no one wants to spend time with you if you don’t value yourself. At the end of the day, time will only be worthwhile if you share it first with yourself.

Lonely in the middle of a crowd: friends in the ocean playing happily.

Work first on being with yourself. Not alone, but with yourself. You are the only one who will always be there for you, so you should love yourself. Enjoy the moments of solitude when you can connect with how you are doing. Talk to yourself and keep in mind that being at peace with yourself will help you with your external goals.

“One day, solitude embraced me so tightly that I started to feel affection for her. I cried like a child and told her a thousand stories. We talked for a long time like two old friends, then said goodbye and we each went on our way. We still see each other sometimes though, and I’m always glad to see her. She’s still the same: always honest, wise, and intelligent.” 

-Kelbin Torres-

Give meaning to being alone

If you feel empty and unsatisfied with yourself, those emotions can become your worst enemy. It’s like a voice that constantly yells and demands a solution, while you try to cover it up with background noise. The real solution, however, is to disconnect from the outside world and connect with your inner self.

Hugging a big heart: self-love.

Aim for a healthy relationship with yourself — a high quality one. Know how to listen to and pamper yourself. Take care of yourself and appreciate the time you spend alone, in the calm and quiet of your own company.

You won’t feel lonely if you are a good companion to yourself, and you won’t feel a sense of absence if you are whole. The outer world will add to your satisfaction, instead of being the band-aid that covers up your unresolved internal issues.

Love yourself like never before. Feel such peace with yourself that you will want to be alone for at least a short moment every day. Listen to yourself in a way that no one else will. Be the best friend that you would love to have. Once you fill that emptiness inside, you can go and enjoy what others have to offer you.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.