Let’s Not Be Made For Each Other

· December 23, 2015

“I’m sorry, but you’re not my happiness. No, you’re not, and because of that I free myself. I refuse to put my emotional life in your hands. If you were my happiness, your absence would be the last straw and I would constantly be living on edge. I don’t want to try to “own” you, that’s not really my style. 

My wellbeing and self fulfillment depend almost completely upon myself. Other things contribute too, but the internal process that I’m going through isn’t going to come from the outside. 

It’s so overwhelming to take on other people’s problems. I prefer to breathe for myself, walk without crutches and be myself. I don’t want to belong to you, nor do I want you to belong to me. We can go out if we want, but let’s not be “made for each other,” please.

Psychological wellbeing or trying to be happy requires a personal and nontransferable compromise. It’s not something that’s given to us, that we buy or own by law: it’s nontransferable. And since I’m not for sale, and hopefully neither are you, we have an opportunity to be free.

You don’t define my existence nor do I define yours, and if that were the case, we wouldn’t be able to live without each other. You’re not my happiness, and fortunately, I’m not you’re partner and wife. The best relationship we can have is not belonging to each other. When you don’t possess the other person, you respect them. And that’s beauty, tenderness and detachment.”

-Text by Walter Riso

laying couple art


 

Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.

— Pope John Paul II

The best relationship we can have is not belonging to each other. I want to meet you in the middle, at an emotional level. I don’t want us to be made for each other, nor the loves of our lives. I don’t want to need you, I want to prefer you.

I don’t want to love you blindly, I don’t want to close my eyes. I want to open them and see two whole people, both different and independent, giving their passion, living in the moment, and collaborating in each other’s lives.

Being whole

I don’t want us to transform or need each other. I want to leave better halves aside. You can be whatever you want, but I’m not going to be the one to ask you to change. The important part is that we roll together.

We don’t always have to roll hand in hand, either. Sometimes love runs out, and I don’t want to squeeze all of your juice out. So, if you want to take a rain check, go ahead. If you want to peel your skin off, by all means. Nothing more to it.

Because there are two of us; not one. We also aren’t meant for each other. I am mine and you are yours.

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We all have a life-long love

We all have a life-long love: ourselves. Only by loving myself unconditionally, with no insecurities or setbacks, will I be able to do the same with you.

If being with you means giving up on myself, that’s not going to work out. People complain about not being loved, but what happens is we don’t know how to love ourselves.

We live in a dream of meeting our own needs and don’t realize that true love is the one we feel for ourselves. So, I don’t want to idealize each other; our love isn’t going to save us, nor will it solve our problems or offer emotional stability.

No one can love for you, or grow for you, or smile for you or breathe for you. You’re the only one with the power to save yourself and create a healthy love, and that’s the best thing in the world.