Nine Keys to Healthy Family Dynamics

Would you like your family to be happier? Do you want to achieve a better coexistence and for everyone to feel more satisfied? If so, take note of these tips to strengthen your family bonds.

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 29 August, 2023

To have healthy family dynamics, you need to take care of each bond as if you were looking after a work of art. Because each member of your family is unique and valuable. Indeed, they all deserve the kind of recognition and treatment that makes them feel liberated, but with common roots. There are always challenges in this context. However, the good news is that there are strategies to help.

Knowing how to communicate, respecting the personalities of other members of your family, and sharing quality time are indisputable for family well-being. But, conflicts and disagreements are bound to appear at some point and you need to know how to handle them. You also need to know what tools you can use.

Strategies for healthy family dynamics

General systems theory (GST) was proposed by the biologist and philosopher, Karl Ludwig. It contributes to the understanding of family dynamics. This approach indicates that the dysfunctional behavior of an individual can affect the rest of the components of the system. Ludwig claimed that these microsystems are governed by their particular internal rules. Furthermore, they aren’t always healthy.

In fact, often, people get carried away by behaviors that, almost without them realizing it, break the harmony and quality of the ties with their environment. However, to sustain healthy family dynamics over time, precise skills must be put into practice. Next, we’re going to describe them.

1. Heal psychological problems

Too many men and women build families without first addressing their emotional wounds or trauma. This becomes a double-edged sword. That’s because these problems tend to affect relationships and the way we communicate and treat those we love the most.

To improve the quality of your own family unit, you should start with yourself. Indeed, you first need to heal your own traumas.

2. Good communication

Virgina Satir laid down the foundations of family therapy. She identified the basic pillar for achieving healthy dynamics as effective communication. Therefore, in your own family, you contribute by being skillful when it comes to conversing, listening, and transmitting messages.

Research conducted by the University of Sargodha (Pakistan) claims that good communication favors the satisfaction and development of adolescents. To improve this competence, you must take the following into account:

• Be assertive.
• Communicate respectfully.
• Know how to listen to your family.
• Show a real interest in what they say.

3. Respect and tolerance

To have healthy family dynamics, authoritarianism must be avoided. You need to understand that each member of your family unit is unique, with their own personality and needs. Tolerating the opinions and respecting the tastes and goals of other family members makes an environment where you can all be yourselves without fear.

4. Sharing quality time

A family isn’t just a group of people living under the same roof. It’s a system in which dynamics are shared that reinforce the bond, enrich it, and favor the happiness of that small social nucleus. Spending time means giving your attention and being there for those you love. It means creating the kinds of memories that persist in emotional memory.

In an article in the Family Relations journal, Doctors Alice J. Davey and Beatrice Paolucci highlighted the relevance of shared time and meaningful interactions between families.

5. Emotional validation

Marsha Linehan, the creator of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), calls emotional validation ‘the best aspirin’. It consists of making the other person see that you understand and accept what they’re feeling. In fact, there can be few dimensions so decisive for building healthy family dynamics.

In your daily life, you have many needs and experience many feelings. It’s essential to know that your family understands and respects what you feel without judging or devaluing it.

6. Empathy

Are or were your parents empathetic? Does your partner show empathy? Do you perceive this competence in your children or siblings? Being able to empathize with other people’s realities makes you a skillful figure from both a social and human perspective. Moreover, being able to experience for yourself what others are feeling favors prosocial behaviors, understanding, and support.

7. Skills for solving problems and conflicts

If you think that the happiest families never experience conflicts and disagreements, you’d be wrong. In fact, in every social scenario, discrepancies, anger, and problems occur that end up affecting everyone. So, you (along with the rest of your family) must be enabled in problem-solving. You should work on the following:

• Improve communication.
• Know how to identify difficulties.
• Address problems without blaming anyone.
• Recognize your own strengths and weaknesses.
• Provide possible solutions as a group.
• Know how to assess the advantages and disadvantages of any proposals.
• Be able to apply changes to promote family well-being.

8. Know how to support your family

Support is the psychological tendon that strengthens a family, keeps it healthy, and enriches it. After all, everyone goes through difficult times at some point, and knowing that their family is there to support them without judging is a real comfort.

Remember that support doesn’t mean being a savior or solving problems for others. Support means knowing how to help them without invading, and giving them what they need, not what you might think they lack.

9. Internal rules

Having healthy family dynamics involves defining a series of norms, guidelines, and internal rules. These can range from aspects as basic as what time to eat or clarifying what’s permissible and what isn’t.

Boundaries act as useful reference points for all family members. They provide information that promotes healthy co-existence. However, these boundaries must be agreed upon.

The opportunity to create a family with healthy dynamics

Maybe you grew up in an unhealthy home environment. But, life gives you the opportunity to create your own family, the one you choose. Try to always give your best to your new family. Make sure you’ve healed your own wounds first so you can be the best example possible for your own children. 

Family happiness is consciously built every day. It means appreciating the simplest things and taking care of the most important: coexistence and respect for others.