How to Achieve Harmony in a Relationship

Harmony in a relationship means being able to respect your partner. You don't necessarily have to always agree with what they say, do, or think. You simply need to understand them.
How to Achieve Harmony in a Relationship
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 07 June, 2023

Harmony in a relationship is like a dance in which no one misses the beat. There’s balance and unity and the music of satisfaction can be heard in the background in this shared journey between two people. However, it’s usually only achieved after a great deal of work, many disagreements, and, above all, the clear will to invest effort in the affective bond.

If you think that, to have a happy relationship, you only need to love each other, you’d be wrong. Of course, it’d be great if all that was needed was to be reminded that you love each other and that you could forget the occasional arguments and disagreements that seem to appear out of nowhere. And, it’d be wonderful if passion and affection acted as the balm for those feelings of discomfort you experience when you suddenly realize the efforts you need to make in your relationship are weighty.

It isn’t easy to find the right partner. It’s even more difficult to find them and make the relationship blossom, mature, and shape into something lasting and satisfying. But, this inspiring purpose isn’t impossible. The key lies in finding harmony.

“A loving heart is the truest wisdom.”

-Charles Dickens-

boy and girl wearing denim jackets to symbolize harmony in a relationship

How to achieve harmony in a relationship

Relational harmony involves reaching a balance even though you each possess different narratives. It means cutting corners so that the contours of your characters fit together and you can deal with problems, no matter how big or small.

You might think that love is synonymous with agreeing on everything. Therefore, you take it for granted that happy couples should be in tune with each other’s ideals, goals, tastes, perceptions, and opinions. However, falling in love means giving way to your partner who has their own existential, personal, and also ideological baggage. This is where the real daily challenge begins.

In fact, achieving harmony in a relationship requires investing your time, will, and intentions in a specific psychological craft.

Understanding your partner is preferable to agreeing with them on everything

How many times have you said or been told that “You don’t understand me”? Undoubtedly many. Indeed, we all have a tendency to fall into the trap of heated discussions, stormy anger, and bitter disappointments and, instead of reaching agreements, we distance ourselves.

Harmony in a relationship is based on the cornerstone of understanding. You need to realize that you won’t always agree and that this doesn’t mean the end of the world. You simply need to understand your partner’s reality and respect it.

You’ll probably agree on more things than not. But, you must always know how to listen to your partner, connect with their narrative, and respect it. Because if you only accept your own vision and underestimate their perspective, you’ll only tear down bridges and build walls between you.

Empathy and respect

One of the purposes of couples therapy is to increase empathy between partners to bring about change. A study published in the journal, Plos One claims that empathy favors satisfaction in an affective relationship and is therefore one of the most decisive pillars.

Therefore, to achieve harmony in your own relationship you need to develop adequate emotional and cognitive empathy. The kind that connects you with your partner’s emotions and needs but also allows you to understand them. This ability permits you to discover the truth about them so you can respect them and allow them to maintain their authenticity.

Disharmony in your relationship arises when you stop respecting each other. It’s the moment when your reality matters more than theirs and you try to make them become what you want. This makes them lose their identity, opinions, and individuality.

scene symbolizing harmony in a relationship

Appreciate their presence on a daily basis

Appreciating doesn’t just mean wanting. Appreciating means emotionally validating your partner, giving them presence and importance, and being grateful for each day that they choose to share their lives with you. It also represents admiration. Indeed, without this nutrient, few relationships are satisfactory or stable.

A study published in the journal, Personal Relationships highlights how gratitude and the ability to make a partner feel appreciated for just the way they are acts as daily reinforcement in a relationship. Therefore, make sure you work on these aspects.

Magic and promoting the positive

Harmony in a relationship requires effort. You must focus on the virtues of your loved one and not only on their defects. For example, you need to know how to be good-humored and not constantly reproach them when things go wrong.

Promoting the positive also means being able to create moments of magic and intimacy with which to break the routine and encourage passion whenever possible.

Finally, having an optimistic perspective allows you to offer your relationship a hopeful, positive, and resilient vitality. The kind in which there’s no room for surrender, only the clear will to continue advancing together.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

    • Jeewon Oh, William J. Chopik, Eric S. Kim. The association between actor/partner optimism and cognitive functioning among older couples. Journal of Personality, 2019; DOI: 10.1111/jopy.12529
    • Sara B. Algoe, Shelly L. Gable, Natalya C. Maisel. It’s the Little Things: Everyday Gratitude as a Booster Shot for Romantic Relationships. Personal Relationships, 2010; DOI: 10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01273.x
    • Stack, S., & Eshleman, J. R. (1998). Marital Status and Happiness: A 17-Nation Study. Journal of Marriage and Family, 60(2), 527–536.
    • Verhofstadt, L., Devoldre, I., Buysse, A., Stevens, M., Hinnekens, C., Ickes, W., & Davis, M. (2016). The Role of Cognitive and Affective Empathy in Spouses’ Support Interactions: An Observational Study. PloS one11(2), e0149944.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.