Is It Good to Stay Friends with Our Ex?

· November 30, 2016

A lot has been said about how it is not the healthiest option or the best one to stay friends with our ex, because there is a chance to fall for each other again. We can fall into the same dynamic that we did not like even though the type of relationship has changed.

Some professionals claim that it is better to cut them off completely and after the break up, to build a life in which there is no space for our old partner. On the other hand are those who think differently and defend the idea that a person you have had a good relationship with can continue to bring something positive to your life in another way.

Reasons why you should not be friends with your ex

If you had a toxic relationship, it is not good for you to stay friends with your ex. This is a person who does not bring anything positive to your life and who instead drowns you in a sea of problems. A particularly serious case in the framework of toxic relationships is when there has been some kind of abuse in the relationship.

On the other hand, we all know that just because a relationship has ended does not necessarily mean that the love, understood from a romantic perspective, has disappeared from the hearts of the members of the relationship. If the feelings are shared, they remain in both people – most commonly, the couple gets back together. Unless there have been circumstances like those mentioned before.

If the feelings are not shared, the breakup tends to get complicated. The person who is in love tends to get in fights about closeness and distance. Their feelings cause them to keep their old partner close to them, but the sensation of having been broken up with pushes them away. For this reason, this way of ending things tends to completely destroy the relationship.

One of the best arguments for cutting off a relationship with an older partner is to avoid conflicts with a new one. If there is anyone who can incite jealousy in a person, it is their current significant other’s old flame. Old boyfriends and girlfriends are seen by the current partner as a source of temptation for their partner, one of the weakest points over which the love that they now share can be broken.

So it is not unusual for a new partner to insist we break off a relationship with an old flame. Usually, they do it in an indirect way: creating so much conflict that the current partner cannot put up with it and definitively breaks off the previous relationship. However, this is not a dead-end highway: mature people can deal with the situation and adjust so that there are no conflicts or breakups.

Is there a positive side?

There can be. Love that is over does not mean the relationship is over. In fact, people who once loved one another tend to always care for each other, even if the way they do this changes. In other words, those who are important to you do not stop being important, regardless of whether or not the contact is maintained.

An old partner knows us, knows what hurts us, and knows what our hopes are. Maybe the love has ended, but they can still read our faces and maintain a certain level of understanding with us. Something very difficult to achieve. There are wonderful relationships that have years to get strong only for us to cut them off completely.

Why can’t they keep making us happy? Why can’t they keep bringing positive things to our life? Right now, I cannot think of any universal reason that is enough to answer these questions.

In the end, staying in contact with an old partner is a personal decision that has risks and can lead to conflicts, but that can also be a great source of benefit and happiness, even if it is not from the same place that it was before. You are the one who has to be intelligent and, keeping in mind some of the circumstances that we have mentioned and others that you may think of, make the best decision.

Image courtesy of Dragunsk Usf