Fantasizing About Someone Else When Having Sex – Is it Normal?

August 19, 2019

Have you ever fantasized about someone else whilst having sex? Many people do this to heighten the excitement of the sexual experience. With these sexual fantasies, you get your kicks thinking about someone other than the person you’re actually having sex with. In this way, your imagination helps enrich the sexual act. But to what extent can these sexual fantasies be perceived as something negative, or even an illness?

Contrary to what you may think, this type of sexual fantasy isn’t an illness, at least not if you fantasize sporadically. Having fantasies about another person that you feel attracted to doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner. According to experts, you can use it as an alternative to try and spice up a sex life that’s lost some of its excitement. However, if can be harmful if you do it constantly, as it may create a certain separation and distrust in the relationship.

What sexual fantasies are classified as disorders?

Fantasizing with another person while having sex with your partner is quite common. Many people do this to try and maintain a degree of sexual arousal that they can’t find through other means. However, it itsn’t a sexual deviation. As we said, it’s normal and common.

Couple holding hands in bed

Sexual disorders, however, are sexual acts or fantasies that are carried out for at least 6 months. Here are some of them:

  • Voyeurism: People achieve sexual arousal by observing other people who are naked or having sex – without their consent or without them realizing it.
  • Exhibitionism: These uncontrolled sexual fantasies and desires drive people to expose their genitals to other people.
  • Frotteurism: This is when people achieve sexual arousal from touching or having friction against another person without their consent. These people fantasize about these very acts.
  • Sexual masochism: In this case, people achieve desire and sexual arousal through feeling humiliated, beaten, attacked, or by submitting to another.
  • Sexual sadism: Unlike in sexual masochism, in this disorder, sexual desire and arousal are achieved by physically or psychologically harming another person.
  • Pedophilia: This perverse disorder involves having sexual fantasies, arousal, or desire about sexual relations between an adult and a child.
  • Fetishism: In this practice, the person gets excited by observing and manipulating inanimate objects or parts of the body. The parts of the body don’t usually include the genitals.
  • Transvestism: Fantasies and recurrent sexual impulses derived from the act of transvestism.

Imagination in your sex life

As you can see, this type of sexual fantasies isn’t found in the classification produced by the DSM-5. And this isn’t even a complete list of paraphilic disorders. Several dozens of different paraphilias have been identified and nominated and almost all of them could rise to the category of paraphilic disorder.

The main player here is your imagination. Many people fantasize about famous celebrities or athletes, but others turn their fantasies towards co-workers or strangers.

There are people who don’t approve because they think that fantasizing about someone other than your partner can be harmful to the relationship. There are still others who consider this practice a form of infidelity. However, this one doesn’t fit into that category. Having sexual fantasies about others during sex can bring a greater closeness and connection between the lovers.

When it comes down to it, these kinds of fantasies are simply mental processes that can help you feel more excited. There’s no reason you should see them as something negative or a taboo. That being said, they do reveal your most intimate desires.

Couple making love

Sexual fantasies: your lifeline

There are many couples who complain about their sex life. For whatever reason, they get stuck in a rut with the passage of time. At the beginning everything was sexual passion and fire. But, as the relationship develops, sex starts to get pushed into the background.

Fantasizing about others can serve to fan a sexual desire or a dull, lifeless sexual relationship. It can be a lifeline for those who have fallen into sexual monotony. It can be a fantastic tool to recover your sexual desire. We’re not saying, of course, that all couples have a lack of sexual desire and that they must resort to these types of sexual fantasies. It’s completely optional and up to every couple.

Carolina Schwengel, an expert in sexuality, explains that these fantasies can be used freely. She claims that they can help couples get in tune with each other at the beginning of a sexual relationship. Of course, as she points out, these fantasies are beneficial as long as they don’t develop into an illness. This can happen if you use them constantly and if they’re the only way you can feel satisfaction. In this way, the couple would drift further apart, both sexually and emotionally.

Don’t feel guilty

This practice is only a mental and symbolic process. You mustn’t feel guilty, as this could be harmful to the sexual act. The person who fantasizes doesn’t necessarily fantasize about unreachable people (such as movie stars, singers, artists, etc.). They can also fantasize about someone they know personally.

Couple with sexual problems

Feeling guilty will make it difficult to experience pleasure and may even prevent you from reaching an orgasm. Sexual fantasies are harmless as long as they don’t alienate the couple. However, living in a fantasy world constantly can affect you and the person you cohabit with.

As you can see, these sexual fantasies can be used to enrich your sexual life or ignite the flame that has gone out. They’re not an illness in any way, as long as they don’t cause personal problems and don’t distance you from your partner.