When An Ex Starts Living Their Life Again
For some people, it is very difficult to accept that an ex has started a new relationship. This can owe to various factors, like for example still being in love, not having properly “mourned” the relationship, or not wanting things to go well for the other person before they do for oneself.
Finding out by various means that our former partner has “started living” their life again is not always good news, even when it has been a long time since we ended that chapter in our lives. Why is it so hard for us to be happy for that person? What happens within us that does not allow us to leave behind what happened? Is it a warning sign that tells us that deep down, we did not want to end the relationship or that we are still in love?
Going through the mourning stage is essential
Maybe it will take us weeks, months, or even years, but we all need to go through that stage known as “mourning” (it has the same name as when someone very close to us dies, but it means that we must accept that that person will no longer be by our side). It does not matter who decided that the relationship must end, even for those who “made the great step” of separating, it is a step to go through.
This period serves to help us adapt to the new reality, understand that life is different now, and that everything that happened has a purpose and an explanation. In other words, in order to accept that no pain is forever and that we can keep moving forward even though that person is no longer part of our present or our future. They simply stayed “halfway” and now they are another piece of the past.
Through mourning, we are advised to return to what we like to do, to focus on our feelings, and of course to learn from the mistakes we made. No one can guarantee that even when we believe that we are “cured” we will not have relapses or moments of sadness associated with the loss, but the fact of the matter is that with time, the wounds will heal.
If I already mourned, why are my feelings “conflicted”?
Nobody says that it is easy to pass this test…we probably believe that we have gotten over our ex and that we don’t care about them anymore, right up until something (a word, a memory, a photograph, an encounter) brings back memories. Burrowing so deep into our emotions and pulling the memories out of the deepest chest can make even the strongest person feel weak.
When we find out that our ex has started a new relationship, our feelings “shoot off” and we do not really understand why. “If I already forgot them…why is this bothering me?” “They moved on so fast?” “How can it be that they started living their life again before me?” “Now there’s no chance I’ll get them back!” These are just some of the most common questions and statements we make faced with that situation that many of us have gone through.
We understand that by having a new partner, everything else is left in the past and it is not that simple. More than a few people have tried to forget their ex with another relationship. They are the ones who think they cannot live alone or that they need someone in order to be happy.
Of course, we also have a group of people who find their “soul mate” after a breakup because while mourning, they make an effort to learn from their mistakes and to understand what it was that they were seeking in their relationship.
So it does not mean that just because your ex is now “taken” that the “replacement” is better than you, that they have forgotten you so quickly, that you were a fun distraction, or that they never cared about you. It was simply the way they found to start living life again and to start trusting love again.
Seeing your ex in a relationship is good news
No matter how hard it is for you to recognize or accept, the fact that your ex is now in a relationship is excellent. Maybe you don’t see it this way and you keep criticizing yourself for everything you did wrong, maybe you don’t understand how they managed to “replace” you so fast, or maybe that news even “pointed out” that you have no totally forgotten them.
If you still have not managed to find a person who fits your standards, do not lose hope, do not believe that you are worse than anyone else, and do not compare yourself to what happens to your ex. Take advantage of that time alone to get to know yourself better, to heal the wounds from the past, to understand what is happening within you, and to focus on your future.
If, on the other hand, you are already in a relationship and it still bothers you to know that your ex is in a relationship, maybe it is not due to the fact that you are still in love with that person, but rather that it is what is known as a “narcissistic wound.”
What does this mean? A “low blow” to our self-love that forces us to accept that there is another person occupying a place that used to be ours. Jealousy? Envy? A little bit of both! Try to think clearly and not to put your feelings before your thoughts. We all have the right to be happy and to share our time with someone special!