The Era of "I Love You" Without Commitment
And one day you have that person by your side and you realize that you have spent more hours together than you had planned. That there have been enough afternoons of watching movies wrapped up in blankets. Enough “I haven’t experienced this with anybody”. Enough “I adore you, but let’s not complicate this”.
You realize that they are becoming more than simply that person that entertains you, and that overwhelms you. You feel vulnerable over it. You notice that you are creating a commitment and that it can be used to break you, step on you and break your heart. A heart that is already covered in scars from previous battles… and this makes you run away and disappear before it is too late.
I don’t want commitment, but…
“I can’t say I love you, honey, even if I feel it, because that would make me yours and I belong to no one.” Around this premise revolve many of the thoughts of the people around us. They want someone to complete them, but not enough to put themselves at risk. People tend to think that a relationship makes you stop being yourself, that it takes away some of your liberties. That there are still plenty of things left to do and not all of them need to be done with somebody else, or with the same somebody else.
This is true to a certain extent. There are people that can’t only live with one other person, but there are some that are simply afraid. They fear repeating past experiences. They are afraid of committing to someone. Afraid of loving too much, of being judged by the people around them who don’t know how to love without having a few drinks first.
Ask yourself what kind of person you are
It’s good to enjoy what you want without becoming attached to anyone or anything, without having the problem of giving everything to one single person. If you’re sure that that’s what you want, it’s perfect. You will walk your path in that way. And if that makes you happy, that is the best choice you can make.
But, if what you are is afraid, don’t fool yourself and don’t fool anyone else. Stop, learn how to be alone, and then observe your surroundings.
Don’t fear commitment. It is just a decision to stay with the option that satisfies you the most. That’s all. Not everyone you meet will be the love of your life. Be clear on that…
He won’t come to you on horseback, nor will she be waiting for you in a tower. You will simply run into them one day at work. And a month later, you will go out with them. You will like them and will start to feel like they compliment you. And I must tell you, it is just the beginning.
Then you will plan a get away, a trip, a voyage. And you’ll see that they don’t just compliment you. They are someone you will share experiences with. And later on, you will start to be partners in this journey called life.
You look at them and certain phrases go through your head like, “You’re it”, “I like you”, “I’m falling in love with you”, “how did this happen?”. But you think that it’s too soon to feel what you feel and you choose to keep these feelings to yourself. With a bit of positive selfishness, you choose to enjoy it by yourself. It’s good, that the concept of commitment is in your mind but in a rational way.
You might realize that they are not who you want as a partner. That together you are not what you were expecting. But they have been a good partner along the way and you will always keep those lessons, without resentment or malice.
And if it “proceeds”, don’t worry. Love will do its job, and you will arrive where you are prepared to arrive. And it may be much later than you had originally foreseen.
Choose your way, but choose it fearlessly and free of the shadow of your past
The conclusion is that love is not defined by current fashion. It is not defined by trends, or your friends, or external opinions. You are the one who defines it with your interests. And you only need to learn to let yourself get carried away beyond what this society of social networks and “hashtags” allows us.
Be happy with whatever you want to be happy with. But don’t let the fear keep you from feeling. The fear of repeating emotional disasters. The fear of not being yourself anymore or the fear of what people will say if you begin a relationship. Don’t let it stop you from creating a bond with someone or establishing a commitment. Feelings are as instinctive as sexuality or protection. You only have to look at the innateness of the love a mother has for her son in order to truly see it. Therefore, FEEL, LIVE and LET YOURSELF GET CARRIED AWAY…
That way, at the end of the day, you’ll know that if you sleep alone, or with someone else or with a different person every night, it is solely because that’s how you want it to be…
“I shouldn’t control it, but nevertheless
When I ask for the key to a hotel room
And when I order at midnight
A good French champagne
And a candlelit dinner for two..
It is always with another, love, never with you
You know full well what I’m talking about.
Because a house without you is an office
A telephone burning in a cabin
A palm tree in a wax museum
An Exodus of dark swallows.
And the kisses I give poison me
And yet, when I sleep without you,
I dream with you.”
– Fragment of “And Nevertheless”( Joaquín Sabina)-