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What I Was Doesn't Matter. What Matters Is What We Can Become Together

24 February, 2017

Who cares who I once was, if you have gotten to know me now, as I am? Why do the mistakes I made in the past matter, if I deconstructed myself in order to rebuild myself back up. And now this is what you have come to know, and I haven’t asked you to value or applaud it, just to enjoy it with me. What I was doesn’t matter, only what we can one day become together.

We surely both have the feeling of having wasted all of those kisses, hugs and time it took to find each other. They have been diluted in time and suspended in the air, covering us with wisdom and perspective. But they no longer live within us. They have left in order to maybe help other people along their emotional growth and development. Now we continue growing, moving forward, making mistakes…but differently, with other stories.

We leave one story in order to make another

Each one of us on our paths, without slowing down or picking up our pace. Yet, along the way we know that if we stumble, we won’t fall down any cliff. Not without the other person at least trying to avoid it. If we don’t think and act this way, what good would it do to be together?

Because no one has saved the other, nor will they. But the shared love and passion we feel gives us strength so that the end of each day will be a kind of salvation, a heroic bet made together. I don’t know if I believe in romantic love. The one I have been told about is the one that has harmed me. Now I only believe in the kind that makes me feel better.

“When you love someone, you love who they are, and not what you would like them to be.”

– León Tolstói-

I could explain a lot of things I have done or who I once used to be, but if I ever needed to, I wouldn’t. There’s no need for explanations when there are reasons to be together, reasons that matter. The kind of reasons that fill your eyes with expectations and wrap your every thought towards that person in mystery.

Because you can be together in many ways, but you can only love in a few. So I also don’t feel the need to settle into any specific marital status. I’m not in a phase, I don’t want to settle into anything. I want to walk to the beat and rhythm of life. Not to the impositions of the outside world. I want it to bloom. What I feel is a passion for living it. Not the need for others to see it. My love is not a cult to ego, which is something a lot of other people play at.

And what about you?

I’ll talk to you about you, and about what interests me. About what really matters. I don’t know the exact chronology of your life. I’m interested in knowing what side of the bed you like to sleep on. I want reason to always take a backseat when it comes to seeing you happy… and knowing that I had something to do with it.

We could tell each other a lot of things about what we used to be, but actually everything would get messed up. When you are more interested in looking into those eyes looking back at you than about worrying about the past you are in love and, according to my past experiences, that is a good sign. One that has lead me to being with you. I wasn’t born, nor did I live in order to find you, but it happened. And I am very happy that we are now together.

What do we expect from us, without knowing everything about who we were

What can you expect from a mate that doesn’t know full well what the other person has done in their past? That’s what some people say. These people view love as a work interview and feelings as the necessary ingredients to a certain recipe.

We know what we need to know about the other person. I know that you have a history. Something that resides in the mystery of uncovering your soul without having to dust off your past life. That can only bring germs.

What matters is, above all, that you also care about what we have together. That you support my decisions, not because they are convenient for you, but because you know they make me happy. That you care about what I do, not because you want to control it, but because you want to understand me better. Don’t worry about talking, or sometimes arguing, because you value the times when we don’t argue.

You are not an ideal love. You’re not a prince, and I’m not your princess. We didn’t meet in adolescence and we weren’t touched by a magic wand. We are a couple that builds together, because they already know a reason worthy of healing. And that reason is to love each other. I know about you what I always wanted and dreamed, that it wasn’t a perfect story. It wasn’t the perfect love with pristine trajectories.

I wanted a serene love, but powerful at the same time. Something messy, challenging but not dangerous. Something inspiring, but not filled with enigmas with no answers. I don’t need to know anything else about you. Because with what I already know, I already feel overwhelmed.

With what I know now and what I think about our future, I already have enough emotions to manage, understand and enjoy. So, what can be expected from us if we are on the same page? I suppose that nothing and everything at once, that is the charm of losing the explicit to get to the sincere.