Are You Being Hurt By Others?

Intense pain catapults you into action. When you realize that you're being attacked, you may want to defend yourself. However, you should think things through to decide the best way to react in this type of complex situation.
Are You Being Hurt By Others?

Last update: 13 July, 2021

When you’re hurt, you often experience mixed feelings. For example, sadness, anger, or disappointment. In fact, sometimes you even feel guilty and assume that you’re responsible for the pain you feel due to something you did in the past.

Furthermore, when those you love hurt you, the pain is more intense and can cause you real mental torment. However, you should remember that, in any complex situation, the best thing to do is stay calm so you don’t act too hastily and make matters worse.

For this reason, you should calmly analyze what happened. You have to ask yourself some questions that can help you better manage any situation. Here are five of them.

“To injure an opponent is to injure yourself. To control aggression without inflicting injury is the Art of Peace.”

 -Morihei Ueshiba-

A woman thinking.

Does the person who hurt you understand the situation?

When you’re hurt, it’s quite common to judge the person who hurt you in a one-sided way. You may tend to attribute the reasons for their behavior to their lack of values or their desire to harm you. In fact, in the heat of the moment, you probably perceive the damage as being worse than it really is.

For this reason, it’s always a good idea to ask yourself if that person understands what they’re doing. Was it really their intention to harm you? Did they simply not think things through? Was it a calculated or impulsive move? The answers to these questions can help you understand what happened.

Do they have a problem or flaw that explains their behavior?

You need to analyze the context in which the events took place. For example, a behavior that occurs in the midst of a complex situation is completely different from that of an everyday situation. Because some pressures and difficulties can make a person behave differently.

On the other hand, it might be the case that the person in question has a tendency to repeat this kind of behavior. In this case, it could be attributable to a flaw. Do you understand this flaw? Do you think they’re aware of it and have tried to overcome it? Have they succeeded in any way? If you can answer these questions, you might have a clearer idea as to why they’re hurting you.

Do they contradict themselves or exaggerate?

It’s important not to fall into the trap of victimizing yourself and consider others your persecutors. Similarly, you shouldn’t allow yourself to think that you’re solely responsible for their unreasonable actions. You need to reach a balance.

Ask yourself if they tend to contradict themselves. Do they keep changing their behaviors? It’s also worth analyzing whether their reasons for acting in the way they do are based on them having an exaggerated perspective of the situation.

How do you feel and how can you convey it?

The above questions were aimed at awakening your empathy for the other person. In other words, they’ll help you put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their reasons, motivations, and limitations. Nevertheless, it’s also important for you to analyze yourself and identify your own emotions.

If those hurting you are important people in your life, it’s a good idea to think about how you can tell them they’re doing it. Remember that you shouldn’t do it in a hurtful way. For this reason, it’s best to tell them how you feel without judging their behavior in any way.

A woman looking serious.

What can you do to make sure it doesn’t affect you?

If you’ve been hurt, the wound may take some time to heal. Furthermore, it may affect your work, your relationships with others, and even your eating and sleep patterns.

An intelligent way of coping with these types of situations is to not allow them to affect you more than necessary. Therefore, you should find ways to let go of these emotions, as you need to regain your emotional balance. A nice walk, an entertaining activity, or a healthy conversation can help you achieve this.

If you’ve been hurt, the way out isn’t to continue suffering or to plot revenge. You need to manage the situation in a reasonable way.

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  • Burgos, O. R. (2012). Daños al proyecto de vida. Buenos Aires: Astrea.