Age Teaches Us to Be More Selective

24 July, 2017

Age makes us more selective and skilled when it comes time to apply the appropriate filters of protection. Slowly, your fears crumble, your insecurities expire, and we learn to take care of our priorities. We learn “who’s in and who’s out”. Because growing up is, above all, keeping in mind what we deserve, and fighting for it.

It’s funny how often there’s almost a direct link between the number of friends you have and the prediction one makes about your happiness or mental well-being. This premise emerged mainly from a theory in the 90’s, stated by the anthropologist Robin Dunbar, and which to this day is known as the number Dunbar.

“Age is a topic of mind over matter. If you don’t care about it, it doesn’t matter.”
-Mark Twain-

According to this theory, an individual would need a social group of at least 15 individuals to develop fully. Now, this approach stemmed from “non-human primates” and from their almost direct link to the size of the cerebral neocortex. But when it comes to the ever-complex “human primates”, in other words….us, the topic shows delicate nuances that would be convenient to clear up.

The number of social relationships you have doesn’t correlate directly with your happiness. It’s the quality of these relationships which gives us authentic well-being, personal balance and that satisfaction that allows us to gain wisdom. In turn, as human beings mature, their number of significant social relationships reduces. It does so until we are often left with a very solid social circle.

Age and self-knowledge

Let’s start off by clearing up another piece of information related to one’s age. To gain in years doesn’t necessarily mean to gain in wisdom, balance and temperance. Personality patterns evolve, no doubt about it. But, they almost always emerge from the same roots. For example, someone who’s not receptive is used to seeing the world through a filter of negativism. They are not going to experience a sudden inner revolution simply because they blow out a few more candles on their birthday cake.

Physical maturity and psychological maturity are not the same things. Aristotle said that in every trait of one’s character there is an excess, a shortage or a virtue that will accompany us as we mature. However, only he who is capable of practicing goodness and self-knowledge will reap the joy that comes when we know which things in life are priorities.

It’s easy to understand: depending on how I perceive myself, I will understand the world around me. If I’m cheap, I will perceive generous people as wasteful. The defect of my character deviates my intellectual and emotional perceptions. However, only he who practices self-knowledge where graciousness and respect are essential, will apply an adequate mental filter. One will be able to use it to search for and surround oneself only with that which falls in line with those principles.

Having noble, authentic and enriching people in our lives not only guarantees that we will have better mental and emotional health. Aristotle pointed out that friendship based on virtue favors our moral development. Because a good friend is someone whose eyes we can see ourselves through, in order to keep investing in self-knowledge.

Knowing who you love and what you want is not selfish

Life is made up of varied moments, people and experiences strung along like pearls. It’s up to us to be selective and give value to those pieces that, thanks to their intense shine, allow us to have a more beautiful as well as significant existence. Thus, it’s necessary to be clear on one very concrete fact: being selective doesn’t mean you are selfish.

“You only live once, and if you do it well, it will be enough.”
-Mae West-

Getting older has many advantages as long as we have an open mind. One that has been able to draw adequate conclusions from its experiences. Sooner or later, you end up noticing that some things are unnecessary. That our personal baggage drags an excessive weight that will be impossible for us to carry on our journey towards happiness.

Age lets you use filters

Thus, maturing is learning to apply psychological and emotional filters. He who dares to let go of certain friendships, relationships, customs and environments, isn’t being proud. On the other hand, he is practicing a fabulous survival mechanism. When we are very young, our relational filter has no limits. We are receptive to everything. We want to experience, vibrate, be excited…