5 Ways to Deal With Hurt Feelings

5 Ways to Deal With Hurt Feelings

Last update: 12 September, 2020

No one teaches you how to cope with what hurts you directly. Maybe you always heard “Don’t cry,” “Time heals everything,” “It will pass”… but none of these phrases helped you. What’s more, they made you feel worse. Therefore, we decided to suggest 5 ways to deal with hurt feelings in this article.

Ignoring your hurt feelings is not an option. This feeling needs a direct confrontation, even if it hurts. You need to face so it doesn’t keep hurting for many years.

  1. Learn how to let go of hurt feelings

For this, you’ll only need a pencil or a small object that won’t break. Hold it in your hand and squeeze it hard, as hard as you can. Now, imagine that that object is your emotions, your thoughts, or that person that did you wrong.

At first, squeezing that object will be uncomfortable. But then, it will end up hurting your hand. When this happens, release and let that object, which you’ve visualized as everything that was hurting you, fall to the ground. Notice how you were able to let go. The same happens to all those feelings or people that have hurt you. You can let go of them.

When we hold on to certain situations, we consider that they’re already part of us even if they hurt us, and we don’t realize that we’re the ones choosing to suffer. However, you can let go at any time.

Deal with hurt feelings: leaf

2. Think about how you talk to yourself

The second way to deal with hurt feelings is going to help you understand how you talk to yourself. Perhaps you believe that you do it in a positive way, but you’ll be surprised when you discover that you use more negative phrases and thoughts than you ever imagined. To better understand this, we’re going to give you an example.

Imagine that you’re in the gym and that someone starts a conversation with you. When you said goodbye, the other person replied “I’m happy to talk to you” and it took you a while to react. You get a little nervous and answer “Same here” a bit apprehensively. On the way to the lockers, you can’t stop thinking about how silly you were and how ridiculios you are when you talk to other people.

Being aware of these situations is the important thing. Is standing in front of a mirror and telling yourself “What were you thinking?” positive? You’ll realize how much you knock your self-esteem down over and over again without being aware of it.

3. Anchor yourself to the present

Another way to deal with hurt feelings is to anchor yourself to the present. You most likely have heard about the mindfulness technique. It can help you dwell on the present and forget about the past and the future for a moment since that is where you experience pain.

small guy on a plane

Choose something you want to experience for a week. For example, on Monday, how you breathe; on Tuesday, how your feet step on the ground; on Wednesday, how water flows on your skin when you wash your hands, the dishes or when you take a shower… Do the same thing for the rest of the week. This will help you appreciate the little things that you do and allow you to let go of the things that hurt you.

Holding on to what hurts us prevents us from enjoying the little things that we do because everything revolves around that pain, which we can let go of anytime.

4. Place yourself in the worst situation

The fourth way of dealing with hurt feelings will allow you to take drama away from the situation that’s making you suffer. Many times, emotions cloud one’s perception in such a way that it seems that everything’s terrible. It’s why you should try to place yourself in the worst situation.

Imagine that you and your partner are breaking up. You’ve been holding on to a relationship that hurts you and it’s hard for you to put an end to it. Sometimes, the decision that you must make is clear to you, but fear consumes you and prevents you from taking action. Although it’s difficult, place yourself in the worst situation.

What’s the worst thing that could happen? Maybe being alone, being different from the rest of your friends for not having a partner… We suggest that you write down all these difficult situations, but don’t be dramatic. Therefore, you’ll realize that many of the things you take aren’t so serious.

For each answer, try to give reasons why you would be hurt. In some cases, you’ll see that you don’t get a sane answer. In others, you’ll be aware that while it’s true that a situation may hurt, what makes you suffer is the fact that you hold on to it.

5. An essential question

Holding on to what causes you pain will make you suffer. therefore, all the ways on how to deal with hurt feelings that we have discussed can give you have a better understanding of everything that’s happening to you, and therefore help you make a better decision.

Dealing with hurt feelings: mirror

Finally, the last way consists of just one essential question. What would you say to someone who was going through the same thing as you do? Put yourself in the situation where it’s your brother or a friend who’s living in the same situation as you. The answer to the question that you have asked yourself will be applied to you. This question may help you open your eyes.

“I had to let go and hold myself tight.”


We tend to hold on to pain, causing it to turn into suffering. The irony is that we can let go of it when we wish, but to achieve this, we have to be aware of what we’re doing. How many times have you held on to what hurt you? How did you overcome that?

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.