5 Keys to Manage Commitment in a Couple
In the whole jigsaw of factors that make up a couple’s relationship, independence and commitment are sometimes two difficult pieces to fit together. Commitment in a couple can be difficult to manage and we’d like to give you some guidelines in this article.
It’s becoming more and more difficult for the bond between two people to be maintained over time. This could be due to a fear of committing more, to choice, or to any other circumstance. As sociologist Zygmunt Bauman would say, we live in the age of liquid relationships.
As a couple, the relationship must promote a positive evolution of both people. They must strengthen the love and confidence in the relationship, but each of them must also look out for themselves as well.
What we mean here is that the fact that you’re in a relationship doesn’t imply that you have to give up what and who you are. It simply means you have to keep the relationship healthy, and, in turn, create a bond of love, support, and affection.
To do this, you need to know how to manage your relationship properly, and commitment in a couple is a key area. Let’s delve into this a little more.
We’re social beings and, even though it’s increasingly difficult for us to ask for, or express, affection, almost all of us like to feel loved. Feeling this way is very pleasant and that feeling is strengthened when there’s a good relationship.
What’s commitment in a couple?
Any long-term relationship, whether it’s a business, friendship, or another type of relationship, requires commitment from those involved. In couples, the same thing happens. Love isn’t enough. You need a type of agreement – something that shows that you’re willing to invest effort in the relationship.
Time passes, people evolve, and routines are established. Then, it becomes necessary for the parties to act by virtue of a mutual agreement in order to maintain the relationship over time. Commitment in a couple is key to the survival of the relationship.
Once the infatuation stage is over, one begins to really get to know the other person more objectively. Expectations stop being the main nucleus of the relationship, and the blindfold that somehow prevented you from seeing what the other person was really like falls off.
At this point, you’ll see whether it was true love that brought you together. It’s now that it’s put to the test. If this love really does exist on both sides, then you can go a step further to establish commitment as a couple. This agreement can then bring stability and confidence in the future of the couple and lead to engagement or marriage.
This type of commitment demands that you take the other person’s needs into account, and not only your own. It means looking after each other, spending quality time together, pursuing well-being, and, above all, loving each other.
How to manage your commitment as a couple in a satisfactory way
“Loving is not looking at each other, but, rather, both of you looking in the same direction.”
-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry-
Psychologist and director of the Center for the Family in Transition Judith S. Wallerstein states that, in order to manage and strengthen the couple’s commitment to a common future, the following keys and recommendations are fundamental:
1. The relationship should be your support in the face of adversity
It’s impossible to avoid the problems that everyday life brings us. Stress, excessive responsibility, problems at work, or a host of other worries cause situations that can influence us negatively.
That’s why having a partner to share how you’re feeling, or to let off steam, is really beneficial. This way, you can support each other and take refuge in their love in the face of daily adversity.
From this perspective, couples are unions that should allow both partners to listen to each other, support each other, take care of each other, and comfort each other. How wonderful it is when they provide the relief, rest, and calm that you often need so much.
Your partner can be that oasis of peace that you can always go back to, and that ray of light between the darkness and the color on those cloudy days. And, of course, you can be the same for them.
In order for this to happen, it’s essential that you:
- Listen actively.
- Let the other person speak.
- Feel empathy.
- Establish effective means of communication that allow you to express your opinions.
- Avoid offending the other person when they trying to get across their opinions and points of view.
2. Manage relationship crises effectively
Crises are sometimes inevitable, and even necessary in a relationship. They usually imply that the couple is in a process of evolution that will help them not get stuck in phases that should have been overcome. However, it’s very important to know how to navigate through them to keep the commitment in a couple intact.
Couple crises are opportunities for transformation and for a strengthening the bond of love.
Thus, crisis management in the couple can be conducted through patience, assertiveness, empathy, understanding, communication, and mutual support. However, it’s important to keep in mind that there’ll always be differences. Each person will always carry aspects and influences from their past around with them.
However, proper crisis management will allow you to adapt to new and changing circumstances.
3. Respect
Mutual respect means embracing the other person’s individuality and accepting them as someone who complements you, and not as someone who should think and act like you.
If you respect your partner’s decisions and ways of thinking, and show them that you value them, you’ll promote commitment in your relationship, as long as they do the same for you.
4. Be honest
In a healthy relationship, lying is never good. We all have our secrets and we don’t have to share absolutely everything. However, directly and intentionally lying to the other person is something quite different.
Because of this, it’s vital to always be honest and sincere in all your dealings. You can be real at the same time and value the other’s person’s way of doing things, with all their defects and virtues.
5. Maintaining balance in the relationship
There must be an equal commitment on both people’s sides. If one person puts a lot of work into the relationship and is committed, while the other person doesn’t make much effort, then the relationship is bound to run into problems.
Therefore, decisions, commitment, and what you offer the other person must be reciprocal. At the same time, you mustn’t forget what the other person does for you.
Thus, we’ve seen the importance of commitment in a couple if we want to maintain a long-term relationship. Love, empathy, effort, and communication are fundamental pillars that can help you.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Cid, F. M. (2011). Los cuatro componentes de la relación de pareja. Revista electrónica de psicología Iztacala, 14(1), 321-332.
- Ojeda García, A., Torres González, T., & Moreira Mayo, M. (2010). ¿ Amor y compromiso en la pareja?: de la teoría a la práctica. Revista Iberoamericana de Diagnóstico y Evaluación-e Avaliação Psicológica, 2(30).
- Ruiz, C. S. (2011). Fidelidad y compromiso en la relación de pareja: El trinomio fidelidad, compromiso y monogamia. Norte de salud mental, 9(40), 6.
