5 Behaviors That Reveal a Lack of Emotional Intelligence

5 Behaviors That Reveal a Lack of Emotional Intelligence

Last update: 26 July, 2017

Emotional intelligence is an ability that is valued more and more. Little by little, it has been proven that it determines how well we live. Those who develop it are more successful in all aspects of life, but above all, are happier.  

On the contrary, lack of emotional intelligence brings with it multiple complications. It does not matter if you are able solve a puzzle of modern physics, if in the end you feel frustrated. Who cares if you are able to earn a lot of money , but at the end of the day you are chained to anguish or sadness.

“Emotional intelligence represents 80 percent of success in life.”

-Daniel Goleman

Being emotionally intelligent does not mean succeeding in everything. Neither does it mean that you will be the most charming or most popular. This ability has to do more with self-control and self-confidence. These are attitudes that are cultivated internally, but that are reflected in our external behavior and bring with them more assertive attitudes.

At the same time, some characteristics of a lack of emotional intelligence are frequently displayed. You find them every day in people who are apparently successful, as well as in those who are not so much. We will now talk about five of the characteristics that are more common to a lack of emotional intelligence.

1. Getting stressed out when someone does not understand what you are explaining 

There are people who get very tense when someone does not understand what they are trying to say. The worst part is that they end up blaming the other person for it. They use phrases such as, “Is it really so difficult to understand? or “Anyone could understand it.” In this way, it goes from being an intense situation to an aggressive one.

This characteristic reveals that the person is very rigid and probably egotisticalThey are the ones who find it hard to understand that there are different ways to process and assimilate information. Neither do they contemplate the possibility that their way of explaining is what may be faulty. They end up causing harm in a situation that could have been resolved with just two minutes of patience.

2. Making fun of everyone else and believing they should take it. 

There is a big difference between laughing with someone and laughing at them. Those who have developed emotional intelligence recognize this difference. But not only that, they also manage to sense when a joke is causing discomfort.

If emotional intelligence is not applied people end up blame others. They feel that if they cannot endure the joke it is because they are “bitter” or overly sensitive. It does not even cross their mind that their jokes may really not be that funny, or that they might be offensive. Or simply that others may be different from them and do not have to welcome all their jokes.

3. Refusing to consider different opinions

In the long run of our development we all conform to what is called a “system of beliefs.” These are ideas that come from the education we receive as well as from our experiences and our own personality. We form a conception of reality that serves as a point of reference for us.

However, in some cases, this system of beliefs can also become a shell. In this instance, our view of the world is not the fruitage of personal development, but rather of unresolved neurosis. That is why any opinion that differs from ours is viewed as a threat, even before analyzing if it is valid or not.

4. Blaming others for our difficulties

This characteristic can be summed up by paraphrasing the biblical saying that some can see the straw in someone else’s eye while they cannot see the rafter in their own. There are difficulties that are strictly our own, but there are others that are shared with a partner, in a team or in a family. Sometimes in those settings there are people who, when something does not turn out well, place the blame on others. 

This is a trait left over from a childhood insecurity. The person thinks, first of all, that a mistake is something disastrous. And, secondly, that the objective is to determine who is at fault and not what is going wrong. For those who have a better emotional development, the mistake is viewed as something normal that, when understood better, is an opportunity for personal growth. Instead of looking for someone to blame, they look for causes and solutions. 

5. Hating your work

Most of us spend a large amount of our life working. This is a reality we cannot evade. While it is not the only aspect of our existence, it is one that takes a lot of our time and energy and it would be wrong of us to see it only as a liability.

Any job, however simple or difficult it may be, contributes to the one doing it. When it is a job that we detest, that we just can’t stand to do anymore, there is no reason to continue doing it: Everyone should promise themselves that they will look for and find a job that allows them to grow in some way.

Emotional intelligence is something that can be developed. For some it is easier, for others not so much. But the truth is that all human beings have the right and responsibility to live a better life. That is why it is worth the effort to increase our quota of intelligence that we can apply to all our actions.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.