3 Strategies to Avoid Suffering During Online Dating

Online dating can be full of hazards. We’ll show you the most common ones here and what to do to avoid them.
3 Strategies to Avoid Suffering During Online Dating

Last update: 28 November, 2018

One of the most common ways nowadays to find a partner or start a romantic relationship is through online dating by using different applications or websites. This way of meeting people is already fully accepted in our society.

However, there are several different phenomena related to this dating system. Many of them have turned online dating into a road fraught with obstacles.

That’s why, in this article, we’ll explain in detail why online dating can be more stressful than regular dating. We’ll also give you 3 tips to avoid the exasperation that these obstacles sometimes produce so you can enjoy every date you go on.

What makes online dating more stressful?

Online dating can be more stressful and tire you out more than regular dating. This is because a large part of the whole process of getting to know each other is via messages. This makes it all quite impersonal and cold.

While people get to know each other using apps or dating websites, there are three situations that often arise: ghosting, icing, and simmering.

Woman using her mobile phone.


The term “ghosting” is used to describe situations where, after several dates, the other person suddenly just disappears. The person who you were dating seems to turn into a ghost. They don’t answer your messages. They may even block you from social networks so that you can’t even contact them.

Why does this happen? In most cases, simply because the “ghost” doesn’t want to have to tell you face to face that they don’t want to date you anymore. Thus, they choose the easiest option and just disappear without a trace.


Secondly, we have “icing”, where there are no clear reasons to end the relationship but future dates are constantly postponed. In these cases, what usually happens is that one of the partners tries to cool the relationship off a little without actually ending it.

In a similar way to ghosting, the partner tries to avoid officially ending the relationship. However, in the case of “icing”, they just let the relationship die little by little. They don’t want to face the situation head-on. Instead of doing it overnight, they do it over a period of time.


Finally, we have “simmering“. This refers to a relationship where there is intermittent communication but nothing fluid and meaningful.

You go out on dates and everything seems to go well. However, the communication isn’t continuous. The partners message each other but one of them always takes a long time to reply. There seems to be a desire to meet up and get to know each other but plans always seem to get postponed. First, both partners agree to a date and then one of them starts making excuses not to go.

“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”

-Friedrich Nietzsche-

Couple enjoying talking.

3 practical strategies to avoid suffering

1. Keep uncertainty to a minimum

To avoid all the hassle of online dating, it’s very important that you spend as little time as possible guessing what the other person wants or how they feel. In other words, it’s vital to keep the uncertainty to a minimum. Thus, you’ll have less to “discover” on your own and you’ll be able to concentrate on enjoying the dates. It’s all about being mature adults and talking openly.

You may meet someone and aren’t clear about what they’re looking for and what they want from you. In this case, instead of enjoying the date, you’ll be looking for signs to figure out how interested they are in you. If you’re only concerned about trying to pick up on signs from the other person, then you’ll come across as a disconnected and not very spontaneous person. It will stop everything from flowing naturally during the date.

2. Perfect your selection methods

You have to be very careful when choosing who to go on dates with. Maybe you haven’t gone out with anyone for a while. Or maybe you’ve reached the point where you really want to meet new people. Whatever the case may be, using apps to organize dates can be quite exciting and motivating. Added to that, it’s an easy and fairly quick way of doing things.

As a result of this ease of meeting people, it’s highly likely that you’ll want to get together with pretty much everyone you meet online. However, it’s important to know what you’re actually looking for. Remember that your time is very valuable. Your ideal date may be asked out by someone else just because you didn’t give the searching process enough thought.

That’s why being selective is important. Choose carefully who you think is best for you.

Man smiling and using phone.

3. Be careful with your preconceptions

Preconceptions are present in everything we do, think, say, and feel. Our preconceptions can often trigger certain feelings for or against a person, simply because what they do “activates” the preconception inside us.

Preconceptions work like this. They’re automatic. When something activates them, they’ll either draw us towards someone or move us further away from them. For example, there are preconceptions that are especially active when you’re on a date. We’re constantly looking to see if the other person looks us in the eye or not, how they dress, if they smell good, if they speak a lot or not that much, etc.

For example, if they can’t seem to look you in the eye, you may have the impression that they’re lying to you. However, there are many other reasons why someone may have difficulty looking into people’s eyes while they’re talking. They may be shy. Thus, they always avoid having to look people in the eye.

Set aside your preconceptions

You may have preconceptions about pretty much everything you observe or about what the other person says about themselves during the date. You have to learn to set aside all these preconceived ideas and give them a chance.

Ask yourself why you can’t let your preconceptions go. Is it due to previous experiences or preconceptions about signs and signals you may detect in the other person?

It’s never too late for you to change your way of doing things and find the best person you can.

Finally, don’t forget to enjoy yourself. Meeting people can be a path full of challenges, surprises, and new experiences. Give the people you meet a fair chance. Above all, beware of negative or unrealistic expectations. If you let them control you, then you’ll have lost before you even start playing.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.