What to Do if Your Partner Has Erection Problems

if your partner has erection problems and you don't know what to do, this article is for you.
What to Do if Your Partner Has Erection Problems
Laura Ruiz Mitjana

Written and verified by the psychologist Laura Ruiz Mitjana.

Last update: 03 January, 2023

When your partner has erection problems, it can be an extremely uncomfortable and overwhelming situation, even if you’ve been together for a long time. However, don’t worry, because these problems are far more common than you might think. 

According to the DSM-5, over 50 percent of men aged between 40 and 70 experience partial or complete erectile dysfunction. Moreover, the problem increases with age. Fortunately, most of those affected can be treated successfully.

True love is not self-love, it is the one that gets the lover to open up to other people and life, it does not harass, does not isolate, does not reject, does not persecute: only accepts.”

-Antonio Gala-

The causes of erection problems

There are many factors that can prevent an erection. Firstly, any biological cause must be ruled out. That’s because there may be an organic problem that’s causing erections not to occur. Therefore, if the problem persists over time, it’s highly recommended to discuss it with a doctor.

However, the most frequent causes of erection problems are psychological. Bear in mind that high levels of stress and anxiety can affect the ability to get an erection. In fact, when there are many problems (work, studies, etc.) these problems can occur frequently.

Man thinking about his erection problems in bed

Try not to blame yourself

Erection problems are rarely related to a man no longer finding their partner attractive. That said, they may automatically start to think along these lines. In fact, both partners may worry that this is the case.

The biggest drawback of this kind of thinking is that doing so increases the pressure to have an erection and the situation becomes far more complicated.

If it occurs frequently and is negatively affecting your relationship, you must seek professional help. Once any medical cause has been ruled out, a psychologist or a sexologist will help you resolve the situation.

“Love is not just looking at each other, it’s looking in the same direction.”

-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry-

What can you do?

The fact that your partner has erection problems can become a constant worry, making you feel extremely uncomfortable. So, you need to know why these problems might be occurring.

Some people would say that erection problems are an issue solely for the man. However, the truth is that both of you must work together. Being united can be the key to success, especially if you decide to have therapy to treat this sexual dysfunction.

Emotional accompaniment and validation

You must support your partner. Even if, in your opinion, he’s just experiencing a bad time at work or having some problems with his friends, and you don’t think the erection problem is too important.

You must put yourself in their place if you really want to help them. Perhaps, after talking to you, they’ll end up agreeing with you, but you won’t be able to help them if you don’t discuss it.

If they feel supported by you and understand it’s a problem for both of you, as a couple, this will help them believe there’s a solution. In fact, merely by you adopting this position, they’ll be able to put any ideas aside that they’ve disappointed you.

Knowing that they can trust you, that you’re not judging them, and that you’ll be with them every step of the way are extremely important factors when it comes to managing their anxiety, which can often be the cause of erection problems.

Even if there’s a biological reason, the stress of an erection problem will cause them a great deal of anguish and can be quite a complex issue.

Communication is key

When your partner has erection problems, it’s understandable that it’s really distressing for them, and they may well be thinking the worst. That’s when you have to help them believe that you understand them, that these things happen, and that there’s nothing wrong with them.

Maintaining open, honest communication with a great deal of love will help reduce their feelings of anxiety and stress that the problem may occur again in the future.

Express what you feel

Talk about what you think and feel. A common mistake is to pretend that nothing’s happened and to not talk about it. This only increases the problem.

Your partner isn’t a fortune teller. They don’t know what’s going through your mind. By keeping quiet, you give them the opportunity to imagine what you may be thinking. This could be really harmful to them.

Always remember to speak lovingly but honestly. Understanding is essential in solving these types of situations.

“Be patient and understanding. Life is too short to be vengeful or malicious.”

-Phillips Brooks-

Woman trying to talk to her husband

Remember: sexuality is much more than intercourse

For many couples, sexuality is limited to the act of penetration, but the truth is that it goes much further. In fact, sexuality is extensive and rich. Indeed, there are other forms of expression that both of you can enjoy, even more than intercourse.

For example, foreplay, caresses, massages, the use of sex toys, etc can help rekindle the sexual life of any couple.

In fact, there’s a whole range of valid, fun, and exciting options, probably far many than you could’ve ever imagined. It’s a world about which you usually only know a tiny part as you tend to stick to the same old routes you know so well. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you both enjoy yourselves.

“Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding, the third.”

-Marge Piercy-

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  • American Psychiatric Association –APA- (2014). DSM-5. Manual diagnóstico y estadístico de los trastornos mentales. Madrid: Panamericana.
  • Pomerol Monseny, José María. (2010). Disfunción eréctil de origen psicógeno. Archivos Españoles de Urología (Ed. impresa)63(8), 599-602. Recuperado en 21 de enero de 2022, de http://scielo.isciii.es/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S0004-06142010000800005&lng=es&tlng=es.

The contents of Exploring Your Mind are for informational and educational purposes only. They don't replace the diagnosis, advice, or treatment of a professional. In the case of any doubt, it's best to consult a trusted specialist.