Five Signs of Relationship Disenchantment

It's pretty common to go through situations that ultimately lead to relationship disenchantment. However, recognising it in time is crucial if you want to recover the flame of love.
Five Signs of Relationship Disenchantment
Gema Sánchez Cuevas

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Gema Sánchez Cuevas.

Written by Yamila Papa

Last update: 21 December, 2022

When you start dating someone, you often find yourself promising your partner the world. Everything looks rosy and you just think that you’re going to be together forever. Unfortunately, those vows you made, although full of good intentions, can often be affected by unexpected events. They lead to the psychological phenomenon known as relationship disenchantment.

These feelings can be translated into frequent arguments, distancing, and even ups and downs in the sexual desire of one or both of you.

The differences often become more noticeable if you decide to marry or move in together, since this involves more time together and new responsibilities.

In fact, although you wanted this situation, it might turn out to be anything but easy for you. That’s when you start to realize that your relationship isn’t working or that you’re incompatible.

However, you cling tooth and nail to your relationship that’s only being held together by your routines; a set of habits that are making you both unhappy.

You think that fighting bravely to overcome these challenges will strengthen your relationship. The problem is you’re not always ‘pulling in the same direction’. This can lead to disappointment, dissatisfaction, or disenchantment.

It’s then that you need to regenerate the love that existed at the beginning of your relationship before it disappears completely. Otherwise, there’ll be no cure.

Dissatisfaction doesn’t appear overnight. In fact, it gradually manifests itself over time. It’s like an ant slowly carrying breadcrumbs to its anthill.

As a rule, you’re not aware of what’s happening because you’re too busy with other things, such as work, routine, children, your own personal growth, etc.

Experts say that disenchantment is a gradual process of piling up one disappointment after another. If you stay alert and attentive to the following signs, you should manage to avoid separating. Furthermore, you’ll recover the magic you had in the early days.

Five signs of relationship disenchantment

Among the most frequent signs are:

1. Fighting to be right

When your relationship is in crisis, you both usually adopt a specific standpoint from which neither of you will budge. You’re both immovable. However, a relationship isn’t a battle to be won or lost. Consequently, assuming this kind of approach will do you no good at all.

On the other hand, you don’t have to accept everything your partner says. You simply need to be more open to their point of view. As a matter of fact, the quickest way to relationship disenchantment involves being inflexible and trying to impose your position on your partner without even listening to them.

couple sofa

The next time you have a problem, try to calm down and find a solution together. Express what you feel and maintain a balance so that you both feel satisfied.

2. Wanting to escape

Feelings of suffocation or lack of freedom aren’t good. It’s also not helpful if one of you refuses to deal with any conflict and simply goes out and slams the door, not returning until hours later.

Running away can also mean spending less time with your partner. You’re distancing yourself emotionally, symbolically fleeing from what’s really happening.

You can sleep with someone every day yet be further away from them than if you lived thousands of miles apart. The longer this kind of estrangement goes on, the more relationship disenchantment there is and the less problem-solving.

3. Blaming each other for conflicts

From the moment frustrations start to mount, you try to find a culprit, and you automatically think it’s not you. Indeed, it’s really difficult to look inside yourself and accept responsibility for what’s happening.

This doesn’t mean that you’re to blame for everything. As we mentioned earlier, you just have to find a balance. Don’t take the shortest or easiest path of blaming each other, and don’t focus only on each other’s mistakes, because this will only add fuel to the fire of disenchantment and disappointment. In fact, it’s often worth saying “You’re right. I was wrong” if it means you recover your relationship.

4. Lost feelings

You no longer look forward to meeting with your partner as you did before, don’t care what time they get home, and no longer get butterflies in your stomach when you see them. They don’t make you happy, you don’t miss them when they go away, and even their presence irritates you. If this sounds like you, you need to stop and assess what’s happening to you. In fact, what’s happening to both of you.

If you don’t enjoy each other’s company, if there are hundreds of things you’d rather do than be with them, you need to take a step back, understand what the mistakes are, and try to find a solution.

5. Focusing on the negative

When you both only see each other’s faults and weaknesses, you’re experiencing relationship disenchantment. You’ll find you now fight about the most insignificant details, those that never even mattered before.

You need to ask yourself why you didn’t pay any attention to them before and now you do. You must discover what it is that’s brought your relationship to this crisis point.

Only paying attention to your partner’s faults means you no longer see their good points. They certainly have them, otherwise, you’d never have fallen in love with them in the first place and it’s virtually impossible that they’ve disappeared overnight.

If you identify with any of these situations, ideally, you should both take time to talk about your feelings and start looking for solutions. Of course, your communication must be empathic and sincere. In fact, you both need to be able to talk openly about everything you think and feel without disrespecting or belittling each other.

Finally, understanding is essential to solving relationship disenchantment. It’s no use at all being completely honest if you don’t also make an effort to put yourself in each other’s shoes. However, if you find your conversations always reach a dead end, you could always consider couples therapy or even separation. After all, the worst thing of all would be to continue in the same situation.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.