People Question Your Life Because They Have No Life of Their Own

People Question Your Life Because They Have No Life of Their Own
Raquel Aldana

Written and verified by the psychologist Raquel Aldana.

Last update: 27 June, 2022

There are people who habitually weigh in on and judge how others live their lives, their achievements, and the decisions they make.  This happens despite no one having asked their opinion, considering that their input usually harbors intentions that are not necessarily positive.

Although we know that this happens and we can detect malicious criticism  among friendly comments, it is never easy to avoid the effects they can have on us. When criticism and disdain are constant, it hurts our self-esteem.  

Normally, people who insert themselves into the lives of others are those who have a great amount of their own emotional conflict. They often vacillate between low self-esteem, rejection, and their own personal difficulties.

Sometimes we can help these people to become aware of the fact that they are making a mistake by judging the lives of others. Other times, we must distance ourselves from these people to be able to safeguard our own emotional health.

What other people think of you is their reality, not yours

Probably, at some point in time, the opinions and judgements of others have made you question your own reality. Nevertheless, this is not all bad.  You can use this kind of doubt to reaffirm yourselfRemember that others can know your name, but not your story. They have not lived your life, nor have they walked a day in your shoes.

We don’t even know ourselves sometimes. So others can’t possibly fully know or understand us. So, be conscious of the fact that their words only align with an imaginary reality that their mind has created.

Don’t wait for other people to understand your personal journey, especially if they have never had to walk in your shoes.

girl hugging tree people

Pass the judgement of others through your own filters

“The young disciple of a wise philosopher arrives home and says to him: 

– Teacher, a friend was speaking badly of you… 

– Wait! – the philosopher interrupts. – Have you passed what you are going to tell me through the three filters? 

The three filters? – asked his student. 

– Yes. The first is truth. Are you sure that what you want to tell me is absolutely true? 

– No. I heard it from a few neighbors. 

– At least you should have passed it through the second filter, which is kindness. That which you want to tell me… is it good for anyone? 

– No, actually it is not. It is the opposite… 

– Ah, there we go! The last filter is necessity. Is it necessary for me to know that which has you so worried? 

– To tell you the truth, no it is not. 

– Therefore- said the wise man, smiling,  – if it is not true, nor kind, nor necessary, let us bury it in oblivion.

Only you can give validity to the words and actions of others. Therefore, it is important to filter the information that is actually constructive and separate it from that which is destructive.

Passing it through the filters of truth, kindness, and necessity, we remain with only that which deserves our attention and our happiness, and not misery. Only when we accept ourselves and our lives despite what others say, can we feel good about ourselves. 

field of smiley faces people

Surround yourself with people who help you, not hurt you

Surround yourself with the people who add to your life and not those who take away from it. Don’t let others destroy you with criticism, hurtful comments, and judgements that do not help you in any way. Get rid of those words that try to diminish your abilities or cut short your dreams and aspirations.

Surround yourself with those people who are sincere. They are the ones who will understand and respect who you are and what you feel. They are the people on whom you can support yourself. They are the people who offer you peace without making noise, without distorting reality, and without hidden intentions.

In conclusion, pay no mind to malevolent irony and sarcasm. Work to build a place in your world that is far from emotional blackmail, far from destruction, and from the toxicity that characterizes certain people and environments.

Don’t forget that the most unhappy people in this world are those who worry too much about what others think of them. 

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.