Jumping From One Relationship to Another
Jumping from one relationship to another is a common practice. Nevertheless, most psychologists agree that it’s never a good idea although, as in everything relating to being human, there are always exceptions. However, it’s usually a behavior that speaks of difficulties with oneself, dependencies, and desires to escape.
It’s true that, nowadays, our time values and references are much more changeable than they used to be. Indeed, our circumstances can change at a tremendous rate and the notion of time has also been transformed. Nevertheless, jumping from one relationship to another is problematic.
Sometimes it can happen naturally and healthily, but if it becomes a habit, it’d be a good idea to find out why.
“ A man who has not passed through the hell of his passions has never overcome them .”
-Carl Gustav Jung-
Jumping from one relationship to another
Nobody wants to fall. When you have a meaningful relationship, breaking up always causes you a certain degree of pain. If it doesn’t, it probably means it wasn’t a significant relationship.
We live in a time when it’s almost ‘mandatory’ to be happy and the grief that follows a breakup is a process that many people refuse to go through. In fact, it tends to be assumed that the best thing to do is to find a ‘replacement’ for the ex-partner quickly and efficiently. Because there’s a gap that needs filling. Many people claim to have made this exchange successfully. There’s nothing particularly curious about it. As a matter of fact, either consciously or unconsciously, they see a potential mate in almost anyone they meet.
It’s also common for the new relationship to shine brightly in the beginning. For example, maybe the previous partner didn’t like to travel, but the new one does. In fact, in the space of a month, they’ve already made two trips together. Why does this happen?
The unconscious links
When you leave a significant relationship, your heart and your unconscious don’t always find out. That’s because they have their own rhythms and processes. You can’t change overnight. You don’t change your plans, your dreams, and your shared expectations like changing your clothes.
Perhaps, without even realizing it, or only partially realizing it, you’re trying to write the next page of the story you had with your ex. In effect, what you’re trying to do is change the name of the protagonist for a series with the same script. In addition, sometimes you’ll want, but without success, to continue with the same plot. You try and make your new relationship like one more episode from the same novel.
However, this is the wrong path to take. You might manage to prolong the situation for a while but at the end of the day, you’ll most likely end up boycotting the relationship with your unconscious expectations and feelings.
Suddenly, you’ll find yourself feeling more jealous because your ex cheated on you. Or maybe someone seems extremely attractive to you because they’re totally different from your ex. The point we’re making here is that your previous relationship ends up being your main point of reference in your life.
Anxious attachment
Research has found that attachment styles are closely linked with adult romantic relationships. For example, people who suffer from anxious attachment often experience emotional dependence. This translates into a need to always be with someone because they have a strong fear of abandonment and loneliness.
However, these people’s relationships tend to fail. Furthermore, after a breakup, they immediately seek another relationship, in order to relieve their pain and anxiety.
Nevertheless, it’s important to bear in mind that attachment style is forged from childhood, in the interaction with our main figures of affection. Indeed, they shape our way of relating to others as we grow.
Fortunately, we can always modify our relationship patterns. For this, the most effective tool will always be psychotherapy.
Live through the pain
Nobody wants to fall. However, falling is part of the cycle of life. Whether you like it or not, loving always means managing a certain amount of unhappiness. This becomes more palpable at the time of separation. It’s the price of loving. Even if you try and leave without paying the bill, that debt will attach itself to you and will continue along with you, waiting to be paid.
Jumping from one relationship to another will lead you to a chain of disappointments. You may end up feeling cynical and screaming at the top of your lungs that love doesn’t exist. Or, you might feel numb and not much care about whether it makes you happy or not. Nevertheless, either way, sooner or later you’ll have to manage your fear of loneliness.
The worst thing is that you may ruin relationships that were really worth it by simply closing your eyes to them. Indeed, the desire to avoid grief invites deception. Your obsessive need to have a partner prevents you from learning from each relationship and letting everything flow when it should.
The risks of jumping from one relationship to another
This syndrome needs to be eradicated, as it only weakens your self-esteem.
Ironically, people who jump from one relationship to another are actually trying to protect their self-esteem. However, in reality, they do even more damage to themselves. They believe that another relationship will alleviate all their sorrows, but they don’t stop to think that if that relationship fails, which is most likely, they’ll end up suffering twice.
In the long run, their self-esteem is doubly damaged and their fear of being alone won’t go away. If you find yourself in this kind of situation, you must start working on self-love and developing healthy relationships.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
García Palza, D. F. (2014). Narración del duelo en la ruptura amorosa. Ajayu Órgano de Difusión Científica del Departamento de Psicología UCBSP, 12(2), 288-307.