The Consequences of Moving Too Fast in a Relationship
Moving too fast in a relationship sometimes ends in regret. It happens because, in the initial stages of the relationship, you’re both captivated and blinded by love. However, after a while, you might find that your emotions have left you feeling somewhat adrift and with no clear direction to follow. Of course, there are exceptions, but, as a general rule, rushing isn’t a good idea.
The need to move fast in a relationship can mean a couple starts their life together a week after they first met. A little later, they might choose to formalize the relationship. Some may even have a child. Nevertheless, unfortunately, it’s often the case that these impulsive decisions turn into disagreements.
Getting it right or wrong depends on multiple factors. These might be age, experience, the partner’s personality, emotional abilities, and psychological maturity. It’s an undeniable fact that love is always an adventure. Sometimes, it turns out to be a wonderful joint venture while at others it’s a disappointing failure. Whatever the circumstances, there are always consequences that should be taken into account.
Let’s take a look at them.
The consequences of moving too fast in a relationship
There’s an unwritten rule that, when it comes to love or sex, the slower you go the better. However, this is never easy to remember or control. In fact, falling in love often leads you to jump without a parachute, without even thinking about the fact that maybe you’re being a little too impulsive.
Cornell University (New York) conducted a study concerning this subject. They interviewed 600 couples. They discovered that the relationships of those who’d moved extremely fast, such as having sex on the first date and living together after a few weeks or months tended not to be so successful.
In fact, the rate of subsequent break-ups was high. There were some exceptions, but on average the study proved that rushing doesn’t bring happiness or stability. Let’s take a look at some of the consequences of going too fast in a relationship.
After falling in love, you discover that there’s no love
Infatuation is a feeling that’s injected with passion, desire, and attraction. Some relationships are effervescent. They capture you with their intensity, sexual pleasure, and the wonderful sensation of being in love. However, in a short time, all that effervescence subsides, and everyday life and routine return.
That’s when you may discover that beyond the passion there’s no love. There’s no solid alliance, no genuine affection, and no magic in the simple things you share. Furthermore, you (often unexpectedly) discover that you don’t share the same values, you find it difficult to agree, and you can’t even see eye to eye on any future plans.
Who are you sharing your life with?
Attraction, passion, and falling in love mean you see things through an extraordinary filter. Everything shines. Your partner radiates perfection and you project onto them thousands of virtues, skills, and strengths. However, one of the consequences of moving extremely fast in a relationship is that a day comes when that filter is deactivated and you see the reality of your partner without pixelation and without those golden layers.
Suddenly, you wonder who you’re actually sharing your life with. In fact, that person by your side isn’t only a stranger, but they’re also not in tune with you and what you expect from an emotional relationship.
The relationship was a way to forget another past unhealed relationship
Sometimes, the need to rush things and make that stranger a constant presence in your life is due to certain hidden needs of yours. Indeed, many people start relationships to forget other past relationships that were painful. These are known as rebound relationships.
There’s also another obvious fact. Moving fast makes everything intense. In fact, those effervescent emotions cover your past pain and, for a while, the relationship is extremely cathartic. However, eventually, the day comes when this relationship stops patching up yesterday’s wounds and turns today into a complete nonsense.
Too much intensity takes its toll
Another consequence of moving too fast in a relationship is emotional intensity. It means you tend to pay attention, almost exclusively, to the other person. As a matter of fact, you focus on them obsessively to the extent that only your relationship matters. Indeed, everything you do is oriented towards them and your emotional level is always intense, overflowing, and addictive.
It’s actually quite common, in these cases, to suffer psychic exhaustion and realize that you’re forgetting about yourself.
Things you didn’t know about them
Rushing into love can make you overlook important aspects concerning the other person. You might find that, as each day goes by, you’re faced with completely unexpected revelations that leave you feeling bewildered. For example, maybe your new partner believes in open relationships, polyamory, or even be seeing someone else at the same time as you.
On the other hand, perhaps they suffer some kind of addiction or have complex family issues that they didn’t mention to you. These are the kinds of things that you just don’t notice in the early stages of a relationship. For this reason, it’s always better to be cautious and prudent when deciding on your next steps.
Naturally, you’re free to decide how fast you want to go in a relationship. However, to avoid irreparable disappointments in the future, it’s always appropriate to be extremely clear about who that person really is that you’re with. Therefore, taking things slowly is wise and often turns out to be much more rewarding. Have a think about it.
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- Sassler, S., Addo, F. R., & Lichter, D. T. (2012). The Tempo of Sexual Activity and Later Relationship Quality. Journal of Marriage and Family, 74(4), 708–725. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00996.x