I Agree to You Protecting Me, But Not Controlling Me

I Agree to You Protecting Me, But Not Controlling Me
Gema Sánchez Cuevas

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Gema Sánchez Cuevas.

Last update: 21 December, 2022

In intimate relationships sometimes jealousy can cause our partner to attempt to control us, or vice versa. And often we confuse that control with protection.

“If he’s controlling it’s because he cares about me,” “if he’s jealous it’s because he cares,” “if he gets angry it’s because he has his reasons.” Make no mistake, this is almost never the case. Jealousy is not love and control is not protection.

A person who feels the need to control his or her partner will only get worse. Perhaps your partner needs to know where you are at every moment; if they could stick to you and not be separated even for a second they would. If you’re on the receiving end of this controlling behavior it’s important for you to set boundaries. Think of your freedom as something much more valuable than a relationship that deprives you of it.

I want to be free and not have limits

couple boat

Control is a way to express uncertainty we have in ourselves. Ultimately, we cannot control another person, because each of us is free. But those who are controlling in relationships try to justify depriving their partner of his or her freedom.

Being in a relationship does not mean that we will have our wings cut. We must continue to pursue our dreams. If we want to go to another country or travel we should do it! Don’t stop living your life just because of the mere fact you are in a relationship. Do not let them cut your wings, because if they do you aren’t going to be happy.

Love can make us very happy and blissful, but if there is a dark side which deprives you of freedom and controls you, then how are you going to be happy? Sometimes you may think you’re wrong, and that they aren’t really controlling you, that you’re making a beach out of a grain of sand. Be careful, because often this is a tactic of a controlling partner; they want you to doubt yourself. Open your eyes!

You cannot afford not to be free. What about your dreams and your life? Be free and do not let anyone control you. Control is not love. Love is something else, something in which your freedom and happiness come first.

When they find out you won’t have an escape

couple in blue and pink

It can be difficult to see controlling behavior clearly, especially if our emotions are blinding us. Therefore, we must learn to read the signs of controlling behavior, both in our partner and in those we interact with in our daily life. Sometimes, there are friends who want to control us or even family. Of course, in a relationship, this is sometimes more noticeable and more common.

A controlling partner often wants to do too much too soon. They want to be with you as long as possible. This may be bearable at first, but can be overwhelming after a certain point in time.

Rationality has no place, everything is fabulous and wonderful, so they don’t want to waste time. As they fill you with their attention and watch over you, they feel like they have rights over your life.

Your partner may be seductive, but he ir she is a seducer who has ulterior motives. Your partner always wants you to be happy so that you don’t leave them. This is where the possessiveness begins.

Your partner makes you feel special. You’re the best thing that has happened to them, you are unique and irreplaceable in the world. With this, the controlling person feels the right to decide that your life is their property.

Many times, you will not believe that what is happening is true. Everything happens silently . Think hard about the person you are with and do not let him absorb you or control you. Sure you feel safe at his side and special, but beware! In the long run, all that may show a controlling personality that will not make you happy, but quite the opposite.

“If you insist on controlling the lives of others, you’ll run out of time to live your own”



woman wind

Protect your freedom, protect your wings. No one has the right to cut them, no one has the right to control your life. For it is yours and you are the one who should run it and live it with happiness, fulfilling all your dreams, removing the barriers you come across.


This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.