Loving Oneself
The adventure of our lives starts when we have unconditional love towards ourselves, for we are the only person with whom we will inevitably have to live for our entire life. Loving oneself happens above all else when we accept who we are: our mistakes and our successes, our lights and our shadows.
But loving oneself turns out not to be a simple thing. We’ve been taught that there are criteria we must fulfill in order to gain social recognition. We have grown accustomed to fighting for the admiration of others so that we can finally feel connected.
With time, we come to see how depending on the recognition of others makes us incredibly unhappy, creates a feeling of dissatisfaction in us that we do not know how to deal with since our world revolves around our treatment from other people.
It takes a lot of effort to understand that our personal value goes beyond recognition, beyond whether or not we do things well, whether or not we are doing the right thing. Our value rests within ourselves, in appearing exactly as we are and feeling like we are worthy of love despite everything.
I am worthy of love
We are all worthy of love. We often want to look for love outside ourselves, since we have been taught that love has to be earned by achieving, doing, and being a certain way.
In truth, just “being” is enough. Not recognizing this has serious consequences. It becomes ever more complicated for us to listen to our basic needs, like expressing our emotions, which have been marginalized and repressed.
We worry and distract ourselves with mundane matters that do not enrich us or bring anything important to our lives. We suffer because of our expectations, our insatiable desires, and our inability to make decisions, because of all the fears that we have learned.
“What is love? asked the disciple.
The total absence of fear, said the Master.
What is it we fear? the disciple then asked.
Love, said the Master.”
– Anthony de Mello –
Loving oneself in order to love others
The first step towards really being able to love with purity involves loving oneself , feeling worthy of love. Without judging ourselves so that we can understand and respect ourselves. Validating how we feel, how we are, and what we need in each of life’s circumstances. Watching over and caring for ourselves.
Oftentimes, we are disconnected from who we are, we are not watching over ourselves, and we do not want to see what we need, so all of our energy goes toward trying to caring for others. Offering the understanding and attention that we are not willing to give ourselves.
It is essential to love oneself in order to love others well, and at the same time it is also important to love oneself in order to receive love from another person, to trust in the love that they can offer us. We cannot be receptive to all the wonderful things that other people bring us if we do not learn to feel worthy, if we do not start by loving ourselves.
“Only after finding myself can I help others.
And if I have to help, I must have complete understanding and, above all else, Infinite Love.”
Yes, these words are for you who has all love within your reach
You have been taught that love has to be earned, that love has a series of conditions and that a great effort has to be made in order to be deserving and worthy of it. This is why you have no trust in all the wonderful things others can offer you; this is why you can end up feeling alone.
Because you have not seen yourself, you have not recognized your essence, you have not captured the light that your smile and your eyes radiate. You are a marvelous person who deserves everything, worthy of infinite love, deserving of gratitude, smiles, happiness, harmony, well being, and all the beauty that surrounds you. And above all else, you are deserving and worthy of yourself, of all the love that is stored within you.