The 18 Most Common Sexual Fantasies
Sexual fantasies seem to be quite taboo, but they don’t really need to be. But what exactly are we talking about when we use this term? What are the most common sexual fantasies?
A sexual fantasy is a mental representation that we create, often unconsciously, about sexual experiences that we’d like to have (or just imagine). Above all, we like to imagine these scenes because they excite us.
According to Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, these are “representations not intended to be executed“. However, sexual fantasies can be fulfilled. What are the facts of the matter? In this article, we’ll be bringing you the results on the most common sexual fantasies in men and women, according to two surveys in which both genders participated.
The most common sexual fantasies
A survey conducted by a leading dating portal for married people in the United Kingdom reveals ten of the most common sexual fantasies. The survey was conducted on both men and women.
We’ll whet your appetite with one surprising result. 55 percent of the respondents said that they’d like to have sex with their ex. Is that really the case, or was it just the first thing that popped into their minds?
Without further ado, here are the other sexual fantasies that the participants mentioned. Maybe they’ll surprise you!
1. Having sex with the ex
As we said, this was the most popular answer. Having sex again with an ex-partner is at the top of the list of sexual fantasies.
2. Recreating a scene on TV
The respondents’ second most popular fantasy was to recreate a sex scene they’d seen on TV. Up to 40 percent said they liked this idea!
3. Having sex with a celebrity
Another of the most common sexual fantasies, according to the portal’s survey, would be to have sex with a celebrity, or simply someone who’s famous. Up to 38 percent of the respondents said that they’d like this idea.
Here, we seem to have the idea of idealizing someone else who’s in the public eye, mixed with the fact that they’re almost certainly “unattainable”. It seems that our minds like the idea of a challenge!
4. Sex with the current partner
This can also be a sexual fantasy, as people let their imagination go into overdrive imagining sex with their current partner. As many as 36 percent of the respondents mentioned this particular preference.
So, it seems that we also like the “familiar”. This is bound to be influenced by the memories and experiences we’ve already had with that person, all those times we’ve felt really aroused and passionate.
5. Sex with an unknown person
Another of the most common sexual fantasies is the one in which people imagine themselves having sex with a total stranger, someone who’s totally unknown to them. People’s morbid fascination with the unknown influences a lot here. No fewer than 29 percent of respondents selected this option.
6. Sex with a work colleague
In sixth place, 27 percent of respondents said that one of their sexual fantasies was imagining that they were having an affair (or sex) with a co-worker. It’s very common to fantasize about sexual experiences with people we work with. Who hasn’t experienced this at some time or another?
7. Sex with a friend
There’s no need to go “so far” with a stranger, nor even with your current partner. It turns out that another common sexual fantasy is to imagine having sex with a friend. Up to 25 percent of the respondents, a quarter of the participants, said that they fantasize about this possibility.
Some people have felt a secret love for a really good friend for years, which has probably led to this response in the survey.
8. A threesome (or group sex)
Another of the sexual fantasies chosen by the respondents was having sex in a threesome, or group sex. The survey didn’t specify exactly how many should participate in this imaginary sexual act. However, 19 percent of the respondents answered that this was one of their fantasies.
9. Sex in public
In the ninth position, we find the fantasy of having sex in a public place (often with the possibility of being seen by others). Fourteen percent of the participants chose this option. It seems that the risk (in this case, the risk of being discovered) inspires our fascination about taking part in this type of sexual act.
10. Having sex with a police officer
In last position, with 11 percent of the “votes”, we find another of the most popular sexual fantasies: having sex with a police officer. This may have to do with the morbid fascination regarding authority, stretching limits, abusing power, or being turned on by the uniform. Or it may be a mix of all of these, who knows?
Sexual fantasies in men and women
The survey doesn’t only reveal the most common sexual fantasies, but also some other curious information regarding differences between men and women.
In the case of women, they’re the ones who think most about having sex with their ex again (or at least, that’s what they say in the survey). 57 percent of them answered this way. The same percentage of women fantasize about having sex with a celebrity.
In the case of men, their fantasies are more focused on threesomes, orgies, and sex with strangers. However, there wasn’t too much difference in the overall percentages between men and women, and so it seems we aren’t so different after all.
Another survey, this time conducted by researchers from the Department of Psychology at the University of Quebec, Canada, revealed other sexual fantasies. Some of them coincide with those already mentioned. In the case of women, these were the results (in order of highest to lowest preference):
- Having sex in a romantic place.
- Having sex in unfamiliar, strange, or unusual places.
- Receiving oral sex.
- Being masturbated by their partner.
- Having sex with someone other than their partner.
- Playing a submissive role in sex.
- Having sex in a public place.
- Being part of a threesome or an orgy.
And what about men? Their most common sexual fantasies, according to the survey, were the following:
- Oral sex.
- Having sex with more than one woman at a time.
- Having sex with someone who isn’t their partner.
- Unexpected sex.
- Watching two women have sex.
- Having a partner let them ejaculate on her.
- Having sex in a romantic setting.
- Being masturbated by their partner.
- Being part of an orgy with more than three women.
As we can see, there aren’t as many differences between men and women as we’d have thought when it comes to sexuality, arousal, and imagination. We’ve seen the most common sexual fantasies in both sexes, and how some of them are the same.It might interest you...
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Allen, A., Millear, P., McKillop, N., & Katsikitis, M. (2023). Sexual Fantasies and Harmful Sexual Interests: Exploring Differences in Sexual Memory Intensity and Sexual Fantasy Characteristics. International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology, 67(8), 835–860. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35354408/
- Birnbaum, G. E., Kanat-Maymon, Y., Mizrahi, M., Recanati, M., & Orr, R. (2019). What Fantasies Can Do to Your Relationship: The Effects of Sexual Fantasies on Couple Interactions. Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin, 45(3), 461–476. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30122104/
- Di Mauro, M., Russo, G. I., Polloni, G., Tonioni, C., Giunti, D., Cito, G., Giammusso, B., Morelli, G., Masieri, L., & Cocci, A. (2021). Sexual Behaviour and Fantasies in a Group of Young Italian Cohort. Journal of Clinical Medicine, 10(19), 4327. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34640344/
- Dubé, S., Lavoie, F., Blais, M., & Hébert, M. (2017). Psychological Well-Being as a Predictor of Casual Sex Relationships and Experiences among Adolescents: A Short-Term Prospective Study. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 46(6), 1807–1818. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5758342/
- Canivet, C., Bolduc, R., & Godbout, N. (2022). Exploring Variations in Individuals’ Relationships to Sexual Fantasies: A Latent Class Analysis. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 51(1), 589–600. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34523040/
- Goldey, K. L., Avery, L. R., & van Anders, S. M. (2014). Sexual fantasies and gender/sex: a multimethod approach with quantitative content analysis and hormonal responses. Journal of Sex Research, 51(8), 917–931. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23998565/
- Joyal, C. C., Cossette, A., & Lapierre, V. (2015). What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy?. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 12(2), 328-340. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jsm.12734
- La France B. H. (2022). “Don’t Get Your Meat Where You Get Your Bread”: Beliefs and Advice about Workplace Romance. Behavioral Sciences, 12(8), 278. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9404732/
- Lehmiller, J. J., & Gormezano, A. M. (2023). Sexual fantasy research: A contemporary review. Current Opinion in Psychology, 49, 101496. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36436469/
- Lehmiller, J. J. (2018). Tell me what you want: The science of sexual desire and how it can help you improve your sex life. Da Capo Press. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/327140003_Tell_Me_What_You_Want_The_Science_of_Sexual_Desire_and_How_It_Can_Help_You_Improve_Your_Sex_Life
- Nimbi, F. M., Galizia, R., Limoncin, E., Levy, T., Jannini, E. A., Simonelli, C., & Tambelli, R. (2023). Sexual Desire and Erotic Fantasies Questionnaire: The Development and Validation of the Erotic Fantasy Use Scale (SDEF2) on Experience, Attitudes, and Sharing Issues. Healthcare, 11(8), 1159. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10138526/
- Ohri, N., Dubey, A., Vankar, G., Rathi, P., & Gill, A. (2021). Sexual fantasies, subjective satisfaction and quality of sexual life in patients of sexual dysfunction: A comparative study. European Psychiatry, 64(1), 169. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9471709/
- Reynolds, G. L., Fisher, D. G., & Rogala, B. (2015). Why women engage in anal intercourse: results from a qualitative study. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 44(4), 983–995. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4379393/
- Tortora, C., D’Urso, G., Nimbi, F. M., Pace, U., Marchetti, D., & Fontanesi, L. (2020). Sexual fantasies and stereotypical gender roles: The influence of sexual orientation, gender and social pressure in a sample of Italian young-adults. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 2864. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.02864/full