Sometimes "I believe in you" Is Bigger Than "I love you"

Love is built and cultivated, not only in the good times but also in the gray ones, so trust in the other will always be a fundamental pillar.

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Written by Valeria Sabater

Last update: 14 August, 2024

Sometimes “I believe in you and trust you” is worth more to us than an “I love you”. At the end of the day, love is nothing more than a label when it’s not accompanied by meaningful acts that validate it. Actions that will reinforce the bond with care and attention. Thus, few phrases have more value than “I believe in you. I’m here.”

All of these affective dynamics are encompassed in what we now call “trust psychology.” Far from being a new field of behavioral sciences and the study of the personality, we’re referring to a discipline a few years in the making. Thus, something these studies have proven is that few things impact the brain as positively as perceiving that we have unconditional support from the people we love.

When you establish a significant bond with someone, be it a romantic relationship or a friendship, there’s one thing you tend to value most. What reinforces this bond is trusting absolutely and unconditionally in that person. If this doesn’t happen, if you at some point perceive a lack of harmony or a void in this trust, something will begin to crumble inside of you.

We all want to be believed in when we describe the goals we’d like to accomplish, or when things aren’t going too well, or when we say that we’re going to bounce back… If this doesn’t happen, if the person listening makes an ironic remark, ignores or doubts us, the brain starts to secrete cortisol. The stress hormone spouts like a fountain, warning us that something is not right…

“I believe in you and I’m with you until the end” is worth more than a thousand words

Trust isn’t only a fundamental part of romantic relationships. In the work field, it’s indispensable, which is something which many companies still don’t take into account or have not perceived. For example, the CEO of Yahoo demands that all of his employees work in the same block of buildings. He wants to supervise each process of the business closely. He wants all of the departments to follow the same line side by side.

Something which might seem logical in the beginning has various nuances on a psychological level. An opposite approach is that of Richard Branson, founder of the Virgin Group. In his case, he doesn’t need to have all of his employees close by. In fact, they are located all over the world.

According to Branson, every human bond must be created based on trust. Thus, when it comes time to impulse and creativity and productivity of an employee, nothing has a better effect than telling them “I believe in your skills and your commitment wherever you are. I believe you when you tell me that you’ll do your best for this company.”

“I believe in you” is worth much more than an entire speech. It’s a positive reinforcement which gives you the wings to fly and the roots to continue growing. It gives you the security that you both share one purpose, one common goal. The behavioral scientist Ernest Fehr said that trust is not something that should be taken for granted. Not when we love someone or when we’re maintaining a friendship or work relationship.

I believe in myself, but I also need you to believe in me

Needing others to believe in you, your value, and the veracity of your actions or words will not make you dependent on their reaffirmation. This is a basic pillar of every relationship. A child needs it from his parents in order to grow and gain autonomy, self-esteem, and confidence. The members of a relationship need it in order to secure the relationship, gain stability, as well as happiness.

Hearing “I believe in you” will dissipate your fear and tensions when you feel lost. An “I believe in you” makes you feel less alone and, at times even excites you much more than an “I love you” does. Feeling this way doesn’t belittle your worth or dignity in the slightest. Because even if believing in yourself and your own abilities is essential, it’s also important to perceive that the roots of trust with your special people are solid. It’s essential to know and feel that they’ll be there and believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself.

Also, neuroscience explains that perceiving this security and this type of reinforcement allows you to release oxytocin. That’s the hormone of affection, happiness and, ultimately, social connectivity. Having that kind of support on a daily basis gives shape to a kind of prosocial behavior that guarantees your psychological well-being and better mental health.

The need for support is in our genetic inheritance

Also, as curious as it may seem, the need to trust others is something innate in our DNA. Having the support of other people has always been the key to our survival. Therefore, something that psychologists who are experts in this area tell us is that in order to get others to trust us, we must start by trusting whoever is in front of us.

We are aware that sometimes it’s hard, and is even more so if we’ve been betrayed at some time. However, this is how the most genuine relationships grow. It’s also how you can achieve happier relationships and more solid work projects.