Nine Mistakes You Make When You Like Someone

When you fall for someone, you might lose your head and only let your heart speak. This can lead you to make mistakes, the kind that you should be aware of.
Nine Mistakes You Make When You Like Someone
Valeria Sabater

Written and verified by the psychologist Valeria Sabater.

Last update: 21 December, 2022

Only you know all the mistakes you’ve made in the past when you liked someone. Indeed, those errors and mistakes of your youth showed how unaware you were in matters of the heart. However, those same experiences also gave you greater poise and confidence in the field of love.

No matter how old you are, you’ll never learn everything there is to learn about relationships, attraction, and first dates. Furthermore, falling in love tends to cloud your reasoning. You become a child again and find yourself trapped by the neurochemical universe in which serotonin, oxytocin, and phenylethylamine rule the roost.

That said, beyond the various setbacks and successes, love will always be worth it. As Orson Welles said, we’re born and die alone. Only through love and friendship can we create the momentary illusion that we’re not so alone. So it’s a good idea to learn how to create more satisfying bonds from the start, and to know which lines it’s best not to cross.

Unhappy woman, representing the mistakes you make when you like someone
Many times, you pin all your hopes on a person who, in reality, isn’t as interested in you as you thought.

Mistakes you make when you like someone

Everyone has their own expectations and needs, but that doesn’t mean that, from time to time, they don’t suffer disappointments. Because making a match with someone doesn’t always guarantee the beginning of a great love story.

You should always try and keep a cool head and be cautious but open to these new experiences. Because if you’re too fearful, reluctant, and distrustful, you won’t get to enjoy the genuine and most complete kind of love. Therefore, it’s a good idea to refresh some of your knowledge and perhaps update some of your ideas that you might not have previously taken into account.

Indeed, it’s a good idea to bear in mind those mistakes you know you tend to make when you like someone.

One of the most common mistakes you make in love is in looking for a partner for the sole reason of not being alone. You want a partner to relieve your feelings of emptiness and have someone by your side. Whoever it may be.

1. You have doubts about what you’re looking for in a relationship

Some people assume a passive role in the field of relationships. They’re people who like to wait and ‘see what happens’ and how the other person reacts. Admittedly, this type of attitude of letting go and seeing where certain relationships take us has its charms.

However, be careful, as you should always be extremely clear about what you expect from a potential partner and you should expect a great deal. Make sure you set clear goals and purposes about what you’re wanting to find in your emotional partner. For example, empathy, good communication, affection, respect, affinity, complicity etc.

2. You idealize them

One thing that’s really common in the early stages of falling in love is idealization. Research conducted by Bilkent University (Turkey) claims that passion often leads us to idealize the personality of those we’re attracted to. Sometimes, simple physical attractiveness causes us to attribute non-existent qualities to the other.

Bear this in mind and, on those first dates, makes sure you remove the filters and the idealization. In fact, try and find someone who attracts you simply by being the way they really are.

3. You communicate more online than face to face

Apps to find a partner can mean you make contact for a while mainly through messages. This includes video and audio calls. While this is a suitable way of initial contact and breaking the ice, you shouldn’t overuse the digital world and neglect real-life interactions. 

When we say ‘real-life’ we’re not just referring to romantic dinner dates. In fact, it’s a good idea to carry out several activities with the person you like and the more varied, the better. It’s only by doing this that you can you get to know each other in depth.

4. You’re looking for the perfect soulmate

Plenty of people continue to get carried away by the distorted myth of the soulmate. They want to find someone with whom they completely harmonize. They’re looking for that ideal partner who completes their life, with whom they have no disagreements or arguments. In fact, where they can virtually read each other’s minds.

This narrative about love isn’t real. In reality, your true soulmate often challenges you, teaches you new things, and awakens in you new values and perspectives. You don’t have to agree on everything to be happy with someone.

When you’ve just started to date someone you’re really attracted to, avoid focusing obsessively on them. Don’t make them your ‘everything’ leaving aside your other friends, for example.

5. You go out with someone so you don’t feel alone

Be careful, because this is a really common mistake with often disastrous consequences. Looking for a partner to escape loneliness will lead you to unsatisfactory relationships. You can’t use others as resources to relieve emptiness, heartbreak, or untreated trauma.

No one should have to act as an emotional Band-Aid, or as a lifesaver for suffering that’s not even theirs. Always keep this in mind.

6. You settle for less than you deserve

As we mentioned above, you shouldn’t look for a partner to relieve your loneliness, and neither should you do it when your self-esteem is low. In fact, some people throw themselves into the arms of the first person who shows an interest in them. They say yes to the first one who knocks on the door of their heart, even when they know that there’s no real harmony or attraction between them.

You might do this because you assume you won’t find anyone better. However, remember that those who eat the leftovers in love end up dying of hunger and completely losing their dignity.

7. You still have excess baggage from your previous relationship.

Avoid rebound relationships, those in which you start a new relationship as soon as you leave a previous one. You should always give yourself time to mourn your previous relationship. Starting an emotional bond with a new person when you’re still feeling hurt and disappointed is never a good idea.

couple symbolizing the mistakes we make when we like someone
If you’re just starting out with someone, don’t anticipate. Try to live day by day.

8. You show yourself as someone you’re not

Another mistake you might make when you like someone is creating a character. This means you might strive to be what (apparently) you think your new partner is looking for. You create a distorted image of yourself, behave in an exaggerated way, and stop being yourself to absorb yourself in them.

This never has a happy conclusion. Indeed, pretending to be someone you’re not only ever leads you to unhappiness.

9. You start thinking and talking about the future too soon

Your idea may be to find someone with whom you can recharge your life. It’s a common and desirable goal to have. However, don’t try and rush and skip stages, assuming that they feel and want the same thing as you when you’ve only just met them.

The future is a goal on the horizon. You can’t touch it. In affairs of the heart, what matters above all is the present and what happens in the here and now. It’s important in these early stages that you dedicate yourself to getting to know the person who attracts you in-depth, without anticipating or building castles in the air. Otherwise, you may well end up feeling disappointed.

Maybe you already know about these types of mistakes. However, it never hurts to keep them at the forefront of your mind. Think of it as a kind of mental list of the barriers that you mustn’t ever cross.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • Giddens, Anthony  (1992) La transformación de la intimidad: sexualidad amor y erotismo en las sociedades modernas. Paidós.
  • Sharma, Matthew. (2017). “On The Analysis of Love in Its First Stages; and The Influence of Idealization On It.”.
  • Wu, K., Chen, C., Greenberger, E., Wang, Y., Xiu, D., Liu, B., … & Dong, Q. (2020). No need for pedestals: Idealization does not predict better relationships among Asians. Personal Relationships, 27, 336-365.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.