Jealousy - See it as an Opportunity, not a Threat

Jealousy - See it as an Opportunity, not a Threat
Adriana Díez

Written and verified by the psychologist Adriana Díez.

Last update: 21 December, 2022

How can you get rid of the discomfort which emerges every time your partner talks to another person? Especially when it’s someone who we consider a possible enemy? What should you do every time you feel overcome by jealousy? Is it possible to find a constructive approach to your jealousy and your insecurities?

Jealousy is a traveling companion for many of us. It emerges most of the time due to our great ability to imagine. The key is in perceiving jealousy as a gradient in which the middle ground constitutes the most correct and healthy place for you. The extremes are dangerous areas which will lead to your destruction. Instead, if you remain within the middle ground, the jealousy you experience will be healthier and easier to bear.

There is also an important factor which will prevent you from suffering when you feel jealous. A factor which you have to learn how to cultivate in your romantic relationships – communication. When you understand what is happening or what you dislike about the other person’s behavior and you know how to communicate this, problems turn into words. From words, if you wish, you can find solutions.

Furthermore, trust in the other person is also a key point. Because trusting your romantic partner will give you security. The security of knowing that despite your feelings of jealousy, tranquility will remain. You can rest safe in the knowledge that the peaceful calm that you’ve been creating is a mutual path based on happiness and respect.

What does jealousy say about you?

Jealousy tends to say more about the person that feels it than about the relationship involved. Feelings of jealousy are associated with distrust, insecurity, or lack of self-esteem. Thus, these are important things to work on, especially for people who are prone to jealousy. If not, inner conflict can turn into a problem for the relationship later on.

Jealous boy looking at girlfriends phone.

Choosing to share your life with someone is a choice based on freedom. Also, one must be aware that a relationship is composed of two separate souls who make a decision to start walking together. These two aspects seem to be aligned with knowing that your romantic partner does not belong to you. This way, when jealousy strikes, it’s easier to perceive it as one of the disguises used by your fears. The fear of being alone, of losing your significant other, or of imagining that they could find a better mate.

Only being confident about yourself, about your relationship, and having high self-esteem will contribute to you seeing the truth. The truth is that your significant other made the free decision to be by your side. If this ceases to be at some point, then you are free to make other decisions. No one belongs to anyone else, never forget that.

“What makes my bonds, especially the romantic ones, be enjoyable and pleasant spaces, is being able to open my hand. It’s being able to learn to not cling to someone. A true encounter with another being can only be enjoyed in freedom. Committing out of love instead of loving out of commitment.”
-Jorge Bucay-

Discovering the constructive part of jealousy

Afer discovering the thought process behind jealousy, it’s time to see the positive things you can draw from jealousy. As we’ve mentioned above, the key resides in knowing how to place functional and understandable limits. You should put these limits into practice every time you feel jealous and not let yourself get carried away by your impulses. Because behind jealousy there are opportunities to build yourself up, as well as your relationship.

Thus, when you feel jealous, instead of letting yourself be influenced by that hurricane of thoughts which starts to appear in your head, you could opt to notice that your partner matters.This is not about ignoring what you feel, but about being aware of it. It’s about managing it little by little from a more positive perspective. This way, you transform your fears into feelings of gratitude because the person by your side keeps finding  everything they need in order to be happy in you.

Girl leading boyfriend into the world.

You can actually use jealousy to your advantage

If you adapt to your relationship, jealousy can be perceived as a warning sign that you should cultivate the love you share every day. Especially if you want your relationship to be strong and longlasting. It’s important to keep surprising each other in order to get the magic alive.

On the other hand, jealousy can give you clues about what’s missing in your relationship. If your partner finds something that you would like to have them share with you, then now is the time to find out what it is and what you can contribute to it, if possible.

Jealousy can actually even provide additional intimacy for the relationship. Having the confidence and the ease to show the other person your fears and open your soul will provoke closeness which will lead to a resolution based on communication. So you should make use of your weaknesses and strengthen them. Turn them into resources and find within them the positive aspects of this situation. Do this in order to keep building a healthier love, one that is more aware of the relationship itself.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.