Choose Love Without Pain

Choose Love Without Pain

Last update: 12 June, 2016

If you’ve gone through many frustrating love affairs perhaps you’ve come to the conclusion that love hurts more than it should and more than we deserve. Love gives us a lot of happiness, but if we can’t get it right and are not with the right person, we may suffer greatly.

Infidelity, dependence, jealousy…all this makes us suffer in love. Are we perhaps expecting too much of a loved one? Why does this happiness suddenly turn into pain? Today I want to choose love without pain, but how?

“Love hurts. It is like giving yourself in to be skinned and knowing that at any moment someone could leave taking your skin with them”

-Susan Sontag-

Do we learn to suffer for love?

woman sad and alone next to a tree

Surely you’ve never thought about it, but what if for some reason we have learned to suffer for love? Unconsciously and unintentionally. Sometimes we don’t realize how much we’ve been conditioned since childhood to think and act the way we do. If we were born elsewhere we would probably be different.

So…what if you were born in a place where a man could have several women? What would jealousy be then? Our culture teaches us that love is beautiful, makes us happy, and that if we don’t have it we can be happy.

We also are taught to believe that arguments undermine our relationship, that jealousy that can destroy trust, and that infidelity hurts us and makes us feel like we have been betrayed.

These are just some of the things that you have to face when you are in a relationship. Because, interestingly, when we have a partner we take them as if they were our possession. We expect too much from them and anything unexpected (infidelity) may disappoint us.

It’s true that every relationship is based on trust, but you have to be realistic! There will be many people that will disappoint you because they will destroy the trust that you have given them…

“Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting that they won’t do it.”


Do not suffer for love anymore!

couple looking into each others eyes

Almost all of us have the same view of what a loving couple is. Among this is everything that was mentioned above: there is no infidelity, you can overcome the routine and so on. We should be happy in love, but not suffer. How can you free yourself from this suffering?

  • Do not give up your independence and individuality for the relationship; protect yourself.
  • Always be yourself, do not let them change you.
  • Have a partner to be happy, not to cry.
  • Do not commit to someone without knowing him well.
  • Respect personal space, be independent!

These are just some issues to keep in mind to stop suffering in love. Respect your friendship, spend time with yourselves. It’s not necessary to always be together, because in the long run it can damage your relationship.

Similarly, some people tend to give everything for the person they love. Be careful with that! Clearly you give a person you love everything, but are you sure they aren’t going to hurt you? When you love someone, you immediately become vulnerable. If the other person wants to hurt you they will and perhaps you won’t not realize it. Unwittingly, you give them power to destroy you.

“We comply with living unhappily because we fear change.”

-John W. Jacobs-

couple holding hands next to a streetlamp

It’s nice to love, but often being in a relationship makes us more unhappy than if we were alone. Weigh how happy your relationship can make or what you should change to fully enjoy your relationship. You don’t deserve to suffer for love.

Love is to be lived with passion, joy, with care, with trust… Pain is not something that fits into the world of love. Why are you forcing yourself to suffer for love?

Image courtesy of Pascal Campion and Miho Hirano

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.