What's Really Behind Those Apparently "Harmless" Comments

What's Really Behind Those Apparently "Harmless" Comments

Last update: 15 December, 2017

They’re people who get pleasure out of making the other person feel uneasy, like they’re inferior. They try to create these kinds of scenarios, whether consciously or unconsciously.

And they’ll use any weapon at their disposal to achieve it. From the most obvious and easy to see, to the most unnoticeable ones.

Think about those “unnecessary” comments you’ve heard before. Maybe it’ll help if you think about the ones about your physical appearance.

It’s an easy target for these kinds of people. “Wow, you’re wearing some weird stuff today…” “You’ve into some weird things, aren’t you?” “Why are you wearing that?” There are endless examples.

Behind Some Unnecessary Comments There’s An Intention to Hurt the Other Person

“Okay, well whether it’s weird or not, who cares?” “Well, that’s your opinion.” “I wear this because I like it. If I didn’t I wouldn’t wear it, just like what you do when you get dressed.”

These are the answers common sense and self-respect would suggest to us. But there are people who hang their heads and let that “unnecessary” comment invade. People who let it chip away even more of their self-esteem

two women like a reflection

But think about it. What’s behind these “harmless” comments? What intentions are hiding underneath? WHY?

This is the most honest question you can ask yourself. Why do I make these comments? Everyone is different and has their own tastes and ways of living their life and presenting themselves.

If you don’t like it, or you wouldn’t do it yourself…that’s great. You’ve learned something about what you like or don’t like.

But it’s one thing to think, “I don’t like it,” than actually say it to the other person. Why does a person feel the need to show their negative feelings about how someone else looks?

Differences Should Make Us More Tolerant

A lot of the time, b ehind this kind of comment there’s a secret need that wants satisfaction at the cost of hurting others. 

Differences make our interactions and relationships interesting and rewarding. They enrich our world. Thanks to them we learn to be more tolerant and accept the fact that our lifestyle isn’t the best or the only one.

There are probably as many lifestyles as there are people in the world. That’s why it’s important to figure out why we make these (apparently) harmless comments, those “digs.” What do we get by making them….?

But how do we usually react? In these situations the person normally feels offended. They feel insecure or sensitive or the unnecessary nature of certain comments just hurts.

However, you don’t have to let it affect you. You can understand it’s the other person’s opinion, but not absolute truth.

Narcissistic People Empower Themselves by Making Other People Feel Smaller

Narcissists tend to make these kinds of comments a lot. Comments that are made intentionally, in no way harmless or innocent. They want to feel better, so they feed their inner, hungry monster that grows out of other people’s pain

A woman yelling at a tiny man

This behavior is typical of narcissistic people. More specifically, people who harbor such a painful wound that they end up inflating their egos at everyone else’s expense. A wound that comes from low self-esteem and insecurity

If I can make the other person seem inferior, I’ll definitely look bigger. Finally this suffocating self-loathing will go away.

But it’s a big lie… Because the more you hurt the other person, the more despicable you’ll feel. Pain accumulates. We must reverse the situation.

Love yourself, heal that wound. But never at the cost of hurting another person. Never at the cost of making other people smaller to make yourself bigger. Make yourself big by loving, caring, and accepting yourself. That way you’ll be able to love and accept everyone else.

So… the next time you get an “unnecessary” and apparently harmless comment…or when you yourself feel like you’re doing it… figure out why.

Why are you doing it? What are you trying to get out of it? Use it as a way to start the process of healing.


This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.