You Can Forget Pride

Written and verified by the psychologist Raquel Aldana.

Last update: 28 July, 2022

We can say goodbye to our pride, but we must never lose our dignity for anyone or anything, for then we would be losing ourselves, hurting our self-love and our integrity.

If it is true that each person must make their own esteem worth something, this value is not valid if it is at the cost of others. So we have to know how to tell the differences between those actions that hurt our image and make our dignity vulnerable.

Despite the fact that it is neither the presence nor the absence of dignity that ensures that we will find love or true friends, what is true is that those relationships founded on dignity will be more authentic, free, solid, and respectful. In order to find those relationships, we must have self-respect first.

Neither love nor affection are begged for

Have you ever felt like you were begging for the attention and affection of someone that was only showing you selfishness and indifference? The response to this question is almost certainly yes.

The fact of the matter is that each of us is likely to be a victim of those people who need to under-appreciate others.

Dignity and pride, two coins with different faces

The message that we want to pass on is “do not lose someone because of pride, but also do not lose your dignity for someone else.” However, the line between pride and dignity is really quite vague.

For that, we have to hold our ego at bay, for an excess of it will be what changes dignity into pride, an empty, intolerant, harmful, and unjustified feeling of superiority.

It is dignity that reflects the ability to behave in a just and balanced way with oneself without paying attention to pretexts or blackmail that are imposed upon us. In other words, being dignified is respecting ourselves and respecting our neighbor while maintaining the safe distance that allows us to keep everything balanced.

This is why we have to respect ourselves and maintain our dignity, not losing it over anyone or anything, for in that case, we would be losing ourselves at the whim of someone who does not deserve us.

The importance of valuing oneself in order not to hurt others

People who love themselves tend to be more coherent and caring in their actions than those who do not appreciate themselves, as the former consider it a terrible thing to hurt others.

In other words, the fact that we think “I have behaved in an immoral way towards that person” distorts our identity as “good and positive people for others” so much that we would explicitly commit ourselves to resolving that situation and preventing something similar from happening again.

In the same way, those who do not think about themselves find it less disagreeable or terrible to do mean things, as they think that they have less value and therefore do not have to nurture a good concept of themselves.

This explains why people who tend to take advantage of others and diminish the dignity of others almost always tend to do it without qualms. In this sense, we can say that there really is something that is not working like it should inside of them.

In any case, the skin grows back over the wound, though what is important is for it to form a scab on the inside. We use this metaphor because it is useful to give us an idea of how a part of us is torn up when someone lets us down.

While dignity doesn’t keep us from getting hurt, thanks to keeping our identity strong and present, we will be better able to handle the fact that someone has abandoned us, that we have been fired at work, or that a friend has let us down.

An upright and authentic person will be a worthy person who, despite things that happen hurting them, will keep moving forward, looking ahead, and holding their heads high because they know themselves and they know what they are worth, despite the negative things or people wanting to make them believe the opposite.

Let’s say that even if we never are ourselves again, these types of painful situations invite us to strengthen our dignity and our personal identity. We are not going to find ourselves less affected or hurt, but our way of escaping the situation will bring with it less collateral damage.

In any case, generally when we find ourselves obligated to make the decision between our dignity or the lack of it, the bells in our brain must start ringing in for a farewell or a change; among other things because, as we have already said, we cannot renounce our emotional health for anyone or anything.