How to Accept Another Person's Past
We all have our personal history. We may not always be proud of what we have done or even be ashamed of some things. We may simply prefer not to talk about certain things to avoid being judged by others. And rightly so. Finally, after all, not everyone is able to accept the past of others.
This is especially delicate when it comes to relationships. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, it’s common to encounter prejudices or difficulty accepting the past of your partner, especially their sexual past.
Why do we struggle to accept the past of others? We all have our own and we know that the past is past. Why is it not that way with others? If we are able to leave the past behind, if we are able to change, doesn’t it make sense that others can as well?
Forgiving to forgive
Many people have trouble accepting the past of others because they themselves have remorse and outstanding debts from the past. We have not been able to leave our past behind or forgive ourselves for something.
That is, there is something in the other person that reminds us of that thing we want to leave behind. Something we’d like to forget. Therefore, we punish the other person for our faults.
Forgiving ourselves not only allows us to live more comfortably, but also allows us to interact better with others, giving us the opportunity to grow with others by our side and live a fuller and more rewarding life.
Unfounded jealousy
When it is a problem of accepting a partner’s sexual past, other elements come into play. One of these is jealousy, which usually always come accompanied by uncertainty and also low self-esteem or self-confidence.
Moreover, for many people, discovering their partner’s sexual history may make many of their dreams crumble because somehow the past stains their ideal relationship or plans. Some think that their dreams can no longer come true or feel insecure thinking that the other person has been with others in the past.
This is because we tend to grow up with an idealized image of love and when we feel attracted to someone, what we love is the very idea of love, which is what we build in our minds. But building a relationship is not finding someone who fits in our mind like someone doing a casting for a film.
The problem of what people say
There is another factor. Many people are not able to accept the past of others for fear of what people say. This occurs both in romantic relationships and social relationships. That fear of the reaction of others can make us raise the barrier to avoid problems.
But this is nothing more than a mind game, an apology for not accepting reality to face our fears and our ghosts. We cannot always live thinking outward, giving up our freedom and our individuality.
We cannot value another person based on what others think, as if we were all part of the same thinking mind. You have to feel free and give other person the opportunity for you to get to know them and show value.
“We can never judge the lives of others because everyone knows his own pain and his own resignation. One thing is to assume that one is on the right path; another is to assume that this path is the only one “
-Paulo Coelho-
Learn to know and to trust others
We cannot change what happened, but we can change our outlook. This is true for oneself and for others. Therefore it is very important to focus on getting to know the other person.
Everything in our history makes us what we are. All our experiences, including all setbacks, failures, mistakes, bad decisions, everything they have done to hurt us makes us grow, make us stronger. Even in adversity there is an opportunity to be better.
Do not judge the other person
Many aspects of others’ past that are difficult for us to accept are not embarrassing to the other person. In fact, the other person can feel proud of it. We simply do not agree or they do not fit with our values and our vision for the future.
Nobody is perfect. Just by looking at yourself you can surely see that. If you do not want others to judge you for something that does not fit their mold or social stereotypes, do not do it with others.
In any case, your judgment is no more than an opinion. And appearances are deceiving. If you want to live a full and interesting life you will have to overcome that and give youself a chance to see beyond.
Learn to Accept, Learn to Change
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