I Want to Be a Mom, but I'm Afraid

The social pressure to have children is much less intense than it used to be. However, deciding whether to have children or not is still challenging. There is a lot of fear associated with becoming a mother, and that can heavily influence your decision. In this article, we'll guide you through some steps you can take to make an informed decision that reflects your needs and desires.
I Want to Be a Mom, but I'm Afraid

Last update: 29 June, 2020

Times have changed so much, and so has our understanding of motherhood. In some ways it has changed for the better, but with those changes come some myths that make some women feel intimidated. Even some women who want children decide not to because they’re overwhelmed by the complexity of being a mom. The good thing is that you’re the only one who gets to decide if you want to be a mom or not. This is a huge win for women because, until very recently, there was enormous social pressure to have children.

The problem is that some women have gone to the other extreme. They see having a child as something so complicated that it’s better to avoid it altogether. They don’t see it as a natural part of life anymore. Neither extreme is good. In the end, the only thing that really matters is that each woman should be in charge of her desires and decisions.

“Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.”

-Elizabeth Stone-

A woman sitting on a couch.

Fear of motherhood

Being scared of motherhood is perfectly normal. After all, motherhood changes your life drastically. You’ll also have to accept a certain amount of physical and psychological pain. Who wouldn’t be scared?

That being said, sometimes this fear comes from other sources. Maybe you’ve heard stories from older women that made a big impression on you. Until very recently, women had to give birth in very difficult conditions. They often weren’t prepared for the experience and most of the time they didn’t get the proper care from doctors and nurses.

Some women decide not to become mothers because they think they aren’t prepared for it. The truth is that no one is really prepared for motherhood. We usually aren’t prepared for the things that happen to us. We aren’t ready to grow up, or separate from the people we love, or get older, etc.

Another reason why some women decide not to have children is that life is hard. They don’t want to pass anxiety, depression, or other problems down to their children. This might be a somewhat extreme stance, however. There’s no way to completely avoid suffering, loss, or mistakes. In spite of all that, life can be beautiful. There are plenty of wonderful experiences to be had.

A pensive woman.

Don’t let fear stop you from being a mom

Whatever the source of your fear, the important thing is that you don’t let it keep you from fulfilling your dreams. If you truly want to have a child, fear shouldn’t get in your way. Instead of letting fear win, take some time to reflect. Be introspective, analyze the situation, and think about why you feel afraid.

Where does your fear come from? Is it reasonable or not? Do you really want to be a mom, or are you afraid because you really don’t want to be a mom but you feel pressured? You should reflect on these things. You can also find out what your healthcare plan offers if you decide to have a child or what your options are for birth and pediatric care.

It’s really important to know what’s included in your coverage and what hospitals and doctors are in your network. You can also check to see if your healthcare providers offer childbirth preparation classes for you and your partner.

Clarify your desires

In addition to everything we already said, take stock of your current situation. Is this a good time to bring a child into the world? Do you have your partner’s support? Does your family support you? These are really important factors to consider before you make a decision. However, the final decision is, of course, up to you. Being a mom or deciding not to won’t make you happy if you do it to please others.

You also have to take a hard look at your finances. It doesn’t take millions of dollars to raise a child, but you should be able to offer them some stability. You also have to make sure you have enough time to dedicate to them.

Once you go through these steps and evaluate your situation, it’ll probably be easier to decide what you want to do. If you want to be a mom, fight to make it happen in the best way you can.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.